Under the Table and Dreaming

My Mama Once Said...

if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all. I have nothing nice to say today. I'm tired, cranky and depressed. Therefore, I'm not going to say anything. Hopefully, tomorrow will lead to some positive inspiration.

A Bookish Kind Of Post

The New York Times Book Review has released its 100 Notable Books of 2008 list. Sadly, I have not read any of the fiction on the list. I have heard of several of the books. But have not read any. Unlike my shame spiral about knowing only one of the books nominated for the National Book Award, I have read several books on the non-fiction list. Here are the non-fiction books on the list I own and/or have read:

 - The Challenge: Hamdan v Rumsfeld And The Fight Over Presidential Power by Jonathan Mahler. This is the book about the case challenging the detention of enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay. I have to say that everyone should read this book. The military and civilian lawyers representing Hamdan should be lauded for their courage in the fact of overwhelming adversity.

- Chasing The Flame: Sergio Viera de Mello And The Fight To Save The World by Samantha Power. Power won the Pulitzer for "A Problem From Hell: American In The Age Of Genocide" which is a fantastic book. I have not read Chasing the Flame, but Sergio Viera de Mello worked for the UN and was killed when the UN offices were attached in Baghdad in 2003. It was a huge loss and I'm looking forward to reading Power's biography.

- Dreams And Shadows: The Future Of The Middle East by Robin Wright. Wright is a journalist who covers the Middle East. Her book is supposed to be a really good discussion of the future of the region.

- The Forever War - Dexter Filkins. I think this book and The Final Salute by Jim Sheeler are the two best books I've read this year. For anyone who wants to understand what's going on in Iraq and just how brave the journalists are who cover Iraq, read this book. As a companion piece, the latest issue of Vanity Fair has an engrossing article about the New York Times' Baghdad Bureau. The Times has one-fifth to one-quarter of all journalists currently covering Iraq. Filkins was one of those dedicated reporters. His stories are harrowing and need to be told. An interesting side note: over 4,000 U.S. servicemen have been killed in Iraq. Less than half a dozen photographs of dead U.S. soldiers have been published in this country. I can't help but think the popularity of this war would have been affected by the publication of photographs of caskets and/or dead U.S. soldiers. It helps to visualize because 4,000 is such a large number.

- Nixonland: The Rise Of A President And The Fracturing Of America - Rick Perlstein. Perlstein contends that Nixon's presidency is what started to polarize this country politically and we are still feeling the effects of it. I have not read it, but will get to it.

Those are all the books I own or have read. I'm disappointed with the number of books I've read this year. But that's okay. I'll make up for it next year. Toward the end of the year, I'll post my list of the ten best books I read this year. Though, I'm sure you have figured out my top two.

It's Sparky's Birthday

Today is my friend, Phillip's, birthday. I started calling him Sparky recently because...I don't know. It came out and it stuck. I've known Phillip for a little more than a year. He's a little bit hard to get to know because he's really quiet. And reserved. But once you do get to know him, you'll find him to be a kind, caring, generous person. He's funny and sensitive.

When I agreed to do a triathlon, he was one of the first people to tell me I could do it and that he would be there to help me. He's encouraging and helpful. He made me a schedule to train for my half marathon and is there when I have questions.

While we met through Becky, he and I have developed a kind of brother/sister relationship. We kid each other and tease. We talk about all sorts of stuff. He tolerates my opinionated nature. He teases me in a brotherly way. I know that if I need anything, I can call him and he'll be there. He accepted me from the beginning as one of Becky's best friends.

So, happy birthday, Phillip. You are a good egg. I'm glad you are a part of my life. I hope that this next year is way better than last year.

For The Love Of Music....

It's Shuffle day. So here's your iTunes Shuffle for this day after Thanksgiving.

1. Shout - Sean Paul
2. Two Step - Dave Matthews Band
3. I Don't Want To Hear Anymore - The Eagles
4. Please Please Me - The Beatles
5. Save Me - Dave Matthews
6. Set This Circus Down - Tim McGraw
7. Quickly - John Legend
8. Black Magic Woman - Santana
9. Explain It To Me - Liz Phair
10. Bye Bye Blackbird - Miles Davis

There you have it. I hope that any of you who are shopping are having a good day. I think you're nuts, but have a good time. I worked at Macy's for 9 years. As a result of that flogging, I do not shop on the day after Thanksgiving or the day after Christmas, no matter what deals are promised. It took me two years to recover from working there to even enjoy the holidays again, so I have no intention doing anything to make me hate the holidays again.

I'm off work today. So I'm going to take it easy. Which means making a dent i n the 200 plus pages I have left to read of the Fountainhead before book club on Sunday. I hope that what ever you do today, you have a good day.

In The Spirit Of Giving Thanks....

I love Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. For me, it's always been about family and friends. Some years we have had two tables worth of people. Other years, like this one, it's a small day with me, Patrick, my parents and Ine (my parents' exchange student.) When my grandparents were alive, my mom and grandfather would do the cooking. We'd watch football and I'd listen to Grandpa complain there was holding on every play and the players being wimps because they don't play both ways. I like Thanksgiving because there are no presents involved. It's a day to relax and be with family. Not as much stress, at least for me.

It's also a day when I stop whining about all the things missing in my life and reflect upon all the things I have in my life. So for today's blog, I'm going to give you a list of all the things I'm thankful for.

Patrick - I can't say enough how much I'm thankful I have him. Despite the difficulties I have with his father and the fact that I never wanted to have children, Patrick is the best thing to ever happen to me. He has taught me so many things. He has taught me to be a bit more patient. He has taught me the joy of just being. He has taught me what it's like to love unconditionally. My brother once told me that Patrick gave me permission to let loose and be silly.

My Family - They may annoy me. They may bug me about getting married. But they are always there when I need them. They are dysfunctional in their own way. But they care. And they're supportive and I probably wouldn't be as successful a parent as I am without them.

My Friends - This has been one hell of a roller coaster ride this year. I have gained jobs and lost jobs. I have gained friends and lost friends. I don't want to single any particular person out because you all mean so very much to me. But I will say this - to all of you who have stayed on the roller coaster with me, thank you. Through the loops and corkscrews, you have been there when I needed. Thank your for your compassionate ears and understand eyes and strong shoulders. I doubt I would have made it through all this with my sanity intact without you.

My Job - I'm thankful to have found one so soon after leaving the other one. It's not perfect. It's not what I want my career to be. But it will pay the bills and put food on the table until I figure the rest out.

My Home - I have a roof over my head. It's not Martha Stewart clean, but it's my home. And I feel a sense of calm and comfort when I'm here. It's cozy and warm. And I'm thankful to have a roof and creature comforts and indoor plumbing and wood floors, as so many people in the world don't have those things.

To Be American - Surprising coming from me, I know. But think about it. We live in a country where we have electricity regularly. We can drive our cars without worrying about rocket propelled grenades. We will have a bloodless transition of power on January 20th. We are free to say what we want and go where we want. And being a female, I'm especially thankful to be here. I could have been born in Afghanistan and hidden behind a burqa. I could have been born in China and relegated to an orphanage. I could have been born in Somalia and subjected to female genital mutilation so I would not stray from my husband. I could have been born in Darfur and been attacked by the janjaweed. I was born here. As I said a couple of days ago, I can say what I want. I can wear make-up. I can wear short skirts and cleavage. I can be in the company of a male who is not my relative. I can be educated and I can read. I can work and learn. For that I am so very thankful.

Soldiers, Sailors & Marines - I know, another surprise coming from me. I am awed by their dedication. I am inspired by their service. I am humbled by their sacrifice. They are the reason we have this day. They are the reason we will have a bloodless transition of power in January. They are the reason we can drive our cars and not worry about rocket propelled grenades. And we do not do enough for them. We owe them so much more than we give them. To any soldier, sailor or Marine or former soldier, sailor or Marine who may be reading this, thank you. I'm very thankful and mindful of your service.

So there it is. My list of what I'm thankful for. I'm also thankful for my three loyal readers, who I count as my friends. I hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving. 

[Edited to add: I got a migraine last night. I took medicine for it that usually knocks me out for 10 hours. I slept 7. I woke up at 5 and never went back to sleep. I walked the 5k Turkey Trot with my mom in 51 minutes. And while I'm pissed that's almost 20 minute miles, I finished, despite feeling like I was walking under water and wanting to throw up for half of it. The important thing is that I did it. And I feel good about having done. I don't feel good psyically, but my soul feels good. I hope you all are having a good Thanksgiving and enjoying whatever you are doing.]

Revenge As Punishment

I am not sure what I want to talk about today. I had a good afternoon with Becky. We ate lunch, went to a used bookstore, and shopped for tattoos. Productive and fun. I'm dead tired as I did not sleep well last night so it will probably be an early night.

There seems to have been a bit of discussion over my post yesterday. I wanted to take a minute to expand on some stuff.

I completely understand the urge to let the victim choose the punishment for the perpetrator. revenge is a strong emotion. And people often act out of the need for revenge when they are wronged. The Bible does say "an eye for an eye". It's simply human nature to seek it. If someone harmed Patrick, my first inclination would be to kill whomever did it. And I'm relatively passive. The fact that I would be wanting blood is exactly the reason why this part of our nature should not be part of a government punishing offenders. 

The United States, since its founding, has been based on the rule of law. The concept that the law will right wrongs. Offenders will be taken care of through our system of justice. And justice is blind. While these are offered today as platitudes, they are still, for the most part, true. That is why there are not hangings and stonings. Sure there are vigilantes, but they are caught and punished under the law. We know these are the rules. We live by them. Our society is violent and we have crime. But it's not anarchy.

Under the Taliban, the Sharia, the Islamic law, was taken literally. People were publicly punished with limbs removed, be-headings, stonings, shootings, hangings. It was sport. It was entertainment. Everything else had been banned. No books, movies, music. I do understand that Islamic law has a role to play in Afghanistan. I don't agree with religion being a part of government, but that's how it is.

My point yesterday was that when you let victims choose punishment, the punishment becomes about revenge. A civil society with a government and justice system cannot function properly if punishment becomes about revenge. To treat the criminal as the victim was treated is to satisfy our baser urge to make them suffer as we did. But then the justice system become the inquisition and punishment becomes torture and that is not what any society should be based on.

So while I understand the urge to do the criminal as the criminal did to the victim, I think it has no place in a civil society. That's just my opinion.

By Virtue Of Birth

There was a story on the news about a female teacher in Afghanistan and some of her students who were attacked with acid while walking to school. The attackers were members of the Taliban. The acid burned the faces of the women and girls who were attacked. The attackers were found and arrested, believe it or not. The President of Afghanistan, Hamid Kharzi, stated that he wanted the attackers publicly hung. The teacher who was attacked asked that the attackers be doused with acid before they're hung. The report went on to say that, according to UNICEF, there were over 100 attacks on schools and school children in Afghanistan last year. A lot of conservative Afghan families do not allow their daughters to attend school.

This story made me profoundly sad. And profoundly angry. I understand the urge to want to do to an attacker what was done to the victim. And I get the cry for public hangings. The Taliban used to mete out justice in soccer stadiums. Chopping off the hands of thieves, stoning adulterers, and killing murderers were entertainment. I'm sure that they want to make an example of these men. And that's probably a good thing. But I can't help but wonder whether this is just a vicious circle.

I have said before that I think education, especially of girls, is the key to peace, stability and prosperity in the Middle East. It's really the key to those things every where. But especially in the Middle East. Afghanistan has been decimated by decades of war and the Taliban. There is so little civil society and infrastructure. You can't segregate women and hide them away and have civil society.

Education is so very important to me. I would still be a student if I could. I could lose everything in my life. But my education is mine. Being able to read and write and learn unlocks doors to all possibility in this world. I cannot comprehend being told that I cannot learn to read and write and go to school because I was born a girl. It just makes no sense to me. No one should be limited by their gender. And it disturbs me so to know that the mind that could cure cancer or find a solution to the world's dependence on fossil fuels or cure Parkinson's may never be discovered because it is hidden behind a burqa and darkened windows.

We are fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. We have an enormous presence in Afghanistan and we have influence now. We need to use that influence to put an end to the Taliban and to show the Afghanis the value of education and civil society without violence or force. But by building schools and protecting those brave enough to teach and learn. Spending money on educating children without the influence of radical Islam would do us more good than all the military might we can bring to Afghanistan. Do not get me wrong. We need to be there militarily and we need to fight. But we also need to lead by example not just by force.

I think the young woman who was burned by the acid for teaching and who told her family that she would not give up teaching because she is not afraid is really a hero. It is people like her who will make the most profound change happen. And it shows that one person can make a difference in the world. And she has shown that women are smart and brave and just as capable as men in a society where the popular belief is something far different.

As it is so close to Thanksgiving, I think that all of my female friends should give a small prayer to whomever you pray to and give thanks that we are here. In this country at this time. And able to speak without waiting to be spoken to. To wear make-up. To wear heels. To wear short skirts. To have male friends. To go out in public by ourselves. We could have it so much worse.

Back By Popular Demand...

Look out world. I'm back. All the irreverence, snark, and snip is back. Okay. That might have been a bit of over-hype. But still. I finally feel better. I am not 100% but I'm feeling well enough to be back to myself. Since I haven't been myself, I'm going to hit the high points - you know what the means....bullet points.

• I wanted to thank Kevin Brown in front of God and everyone for his kind comments about my photographs of his wedding. I never knew he liked them that much and it makes me feel so good that he did.
• Barack Obama is stealing W's thunder with the economic crisis and I'm lovin' it. He's a take-charge kind of President and that almost makes up for making Hillary Clinton Secretary of state.
• It's finally kind of getting cold. i most likely won't be shopping for a Christmas tree in shorts. Thank God.
• The Red Wings are on tonight. I will get to watch live with no tape delay. I'm wearing my new Red Wings shit to celebrate.
• The new job is going okay. I'm getting used to being in charge of people. It's an odd experience for me. But i think I'll be good at it eventually.
• I watched 24 last night. I liked it. Which is good because I'd pretty much given up after last season. I just know in another life I was some kind of super-spy badass of some sort.
• I'm going to try to get back to my training schedule tomorrow. I have desperately missed the exercise.
• I love my friends so dearly. You guys are the best. Thanks for everything.

I'll try to post about one topic tomorrow. I just have been relatively uninspired aside from being sick. maybe inspiration will strike me now that the germs have largely vacated my brain.

Ugh

I still feel like crap. Being sick has derailed my weekend plans. I have done pretty much nothing. And I don't feel a ton better than when today started. I want to get back to my normal routine. I need to exercise and clean my house. And fold laundry. I suppose my body is telling me to slow down. So I am. I'm just not happy about it.

With This Ring....

I was asked a couple of weeks ago to photograph a wedding. For those who don't know, (and that's probably most of you because I don't think I've ever blogged about it), I am an amateur, very amateur photographer. I'm pretty good at it. My mom's office at work has some of my travel photos on the wall. A friend of my mom, who works for her, asked my mom if I would photograph her son's wedding. I've photographed a wedding (kind of) once before. When my best-o friend, Becky got married, I photographed her reception for her. Diana, my mom's friend bought the film and I agreed to take the pictures. It's a big responsibility and I was worried about being the only photographer at the wedding. When I took the pictures at Becky's reception, she had a photographer do the ceremony, so I'd never really photographed a wedding ceremony before.

Photographing the wedding went well. I told six rolls of film and got good shots of all the important wedding moments. I figured out that the auto focus on my nice, expensive Nikon is broken. So I had to use the manual focus, but it's okay. I'm used to using manual focus. I hope they pictures come out well. I think they will

I have spent most of my adult life saying I don't want to get married. I've never thought much of marriage. I always saw marriage as the subjugation of a women's identity and needs to that of the man and the children. And I have a strong enough personality that I don't want my needs subjugated to anyone's. I also never thought that I could spend my entire life with one person. To spend fifty or sixty years with one person seems a bit impossible to me. By our very nature, we evolve. We spend our lives growing and changing. It stands to reason that we won't always grow and change the same way. So it seems to me a bit unreal to expect to live with someone for fifty years and not grow apart. Unless you're really lucky. And really accepting.

For the better part of the last year, I was obsessed with weddings. I watched wedding shows like Bridezillas all the time. And I thought that I really wanted to get married.I thought what was lacking in my life was the fact that I was 35 and not married. That most of my friends had been married by now. I was depressed about the fact that I had no prospects for getting married. But I honestly think that really wasn't it. I was more sad over not having anyone to share my life with, not in the sense of being married or getting married.

I'm still not sure marriage is something I want. In theory, it's all well and good. But I'm not sure if it's for me. I do not know if I can truly give myself to someone in the way I think it takes to make a successful marriage. I think you have to give your heart away and you have to receive your partner's heart in return. I don't think if I'm capable of that, I'll be capable of being married.

Before the ceremony, the other son told me that I should pay attention to the wedding because I'll need the information for when I get married. I told him I wasn't interested in getting married and he told me that I just hadn't found the right guy. Maybe. I doubt it. I told him that I wasn't inclined to get married and that today's wedding was probably the fifteenth wedding I'd been to and/or in. I'm sure I could manage to plan my wedding if I chose to get married. I found the inquisition annoying. And it continued at dinner. Along with commentary about the fact that (1) I'd worn makeup to the wedding, (2) I'd worn a skirt to the wedding and (3) I'd "done" my hair (I put it partially up. Not a big thing.) I'm not a heathen, for Christ sake. There was a comment made about someone not knowing I had legs. I took it all in good humor, but it was really annoying to be honest. I don't know why everyone seems so obsessed with my marital status. Or whether I'm dating. This is why I don't like to talk about who I date. It just becomes grist for the rumor mill.

I am tired of my marital status being the topic of conversation with people. Yes, I worry about ending up alone. But that doesn't mean I want to go out and get married. It also doesn't mean that I'm comfortable with being talked about. Especially when it comes to who I'm dating. Or not dating.