Disclaimer: This post will contain a lot of salty language as it deals with what runs through my mind while I'm riding. If salty language offends you, stop reading now.
Becky and I rode this morning. We were supposed to go 20 miles. I ended up doing 16 miles. I just ran out of gas. The fact that I couldn't sleep last night affected my ride, I'm sure. Anyway, I was thinking while I was riding and I thought that I would share with you all what goes through my mind while I'm riding. It will probably just confirm to you all that I'm nuts, but here goes....
Holy crap. It's cold. Really cold. [I'm waiting for Becky to put on her long cycling pants and get her helmet from her apartment.] And windy. Damn. I don't like wind. Wind sucks. [Becky comes down and we get on the bikes. At the beginning of the ride, I have enough energy and oxygen to talk so we chat about whatever. Today, I think we chatted about some mutual friends and what the triathlon will entail, etc. Then we get to the overpass at 41, west of Woodward park. Becky losses me because I go much slower up the hill.]
Damn it. One day I want to ride this overpass without slowing down to, what am I riding right now? Shit. 10. Well, just keep pumping. Get up the hill. Okay, now gear up so you can try to pedal on the downhill. [We turn into the park. We chat briefly about drafting and how close I'm supposed to be to her wheel, which, completely feels to close and freaks me out.] So far, so good. We're going 15 and I'm keeping up okay today. The wind is kind of annoying. Oh, hey, there's Sparky. I'll say hi. [Sparky is Phillip and I did say hi to him. He was running. We get on the trail and ride to Friant road, stopping to wait for the light. I comment to Becky the exhaust from the truck idling next to us is making me sick. The light turns green,] Why can't I ever get my foot in this fucking pedal right? It's going to be worse when I get clips. I'll probably tip over every time I have to stop. I look like an idiot struggling with this at a busy intersection.....there we go. Okay. Catch up to Becky. Damn it, she rides fast. I'll try to keep up. Keep the legs pumping. Okay, Becky, I'll get through the light. I thought we were going out Shepherd. Obviously not. That's okay, I'll just follow.
[We turn on to Copper Road. Becky says we're going to pick off some dude riding in front of us whose wearing an offensively orange jacket. She also says she wants to go fast.] I'll just look at her tire. I'll concentrate on the tire....man the road is moving fast under the tire.....oh wow. We're going 16. Suh weet. Oh, damn. Hill. There goes Becky.......Okay. Just concentrate on pedaling. Pump the legs. Keep at it. Breathe. Okay. There's Becky. Back on her rear wheel. Man my legs hurt. And damn we're going fast. [I mention the speed to Becky and she says there's a tailwind, which I didn't feel.] I'm such an amateur. Man, it's quiet out here. No much traffic, either. Oh, crap. Another hill. There goes Becky. And here I stay at....ugh. 10. Damn it. I wish I could go faster consistently.
[We stop at Copper Road and Auberry Road. Becky asks if I want to ride out Auberry Road before it gets hilly or head back, ride the perimeter of the park a couple times and head back. I say what ever she wants to do. She decides to ride back to the park. She tells me that she wants me to ride in front so she can watch me. I make a turn and start back. She also tells me she wants me to use the drop down - the bottom, curved end of the handle bars. I'm not used to those.]
Holy shit. It's really windy. How fast am I going? Damn. 12. That's slow. Pump your legs more. Shift up one. [Becky tells me to go one mile an hour faster.] I don't think I can. Fuck, it's windy. I am up to 13? Huh. This wind sucks so bad. It's like no matter how hard I go, I can't keep my speed at 13. Fuck. I wish I could go faster. My legs keep hitting my stomach. These bars will be easier to use when I drop the gut. I never should have let myself get this fat and out of shape. My quads are like rubber bands that have been pulled taut to the point of fraying. Then someone lit a lighter under them. Burning pain. Usually this just happens on hills. We're on a flat. [Becky passes me and we immediately jump to 14.5] Man, I suck ass at this. I just wish I didn't hold Becky back. Man, I'm getting tired. And sore. My left calf is now screaming at me. Lovely. Okay, I need a distraction. Something to take my mind off the pain. A song. Let's see...... [I know the lyrics to hundreds of songs. Literally. Almost the complete Dave Matthews Band catalog, Abba, Van Halen, Rage Against The Machine, etc.] You have got to be kidding me. That's all I can think of. "I feel like I could die and that would be alright....alright......I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life." Really? Seriously? I feel like I could die and that would be alright? Well, it's kind of true. But I was hoping to direct myself to something more uplifting. Well, go with what you've got.
[We get back in the park. Becky says that we're going to spin and take it easy when we get to hills, we're going to push.] I don't know how much I have left to push, but okay. [I start thinking about a friend of mine and wondering if the person is okay. I don't want to get into details or name names, but I spend a few minutes thinking about my friend.] Oh, man I'm tired of hills and we have hardly ridden any. It's not like we did hospital hill. Man, I'm a wimp. And out of shape. Damn. Oh, I hate riding those bridges. They're just freaky. Big hill. There goes Becky.....is the dude on the mountain bike going to move....do they not realize there's a walker there? Asshole. Don't smirk at me you dick. If I had any ability to talk, I'd tell you to learn bike etiquette. Okay, there's Becky.
[We enter park and stop at the stop sign inside the Friant gate. Becky says we're going to ride around the park a couple times and head back. I tell her that my legs have nothing left. She says ride half the park, to the top of the overpass and wait for her there because she's going to ride a time and a half around the park. Okie dokie.]
Oh shit. This hill sucks. Damn it. What the fuck? [At this point the rubber band that is my right quad snaps. My leg seizes.] Crap. I have to stop. Crap. Crap. Crap. Oh man, this hurts. Deep breath. Okay. I'll just walk to the top. I feel like a moron for having to walk ten feet. But that's okay. I'm still not in shape. It's going to take a while to build my endurance. Okay, back on. That's better. Shift. Shift. Okay. One more hill. I can do one more hill. Okay, not so bad. Out of the park. To the top of the overpass. How fast am I going? 10. That's not too bad. Almost to the top.
[I stop at the top of the overpass. And finish the water in my water bottle. And sit and wait for Becky.]
God my legs hurt. I wonder how far down it is to the freeway. A long way. The traffic noise is like white noise. Despite my lack of sleep and pain in my legs, I feel pretty good. The sun is shining. I'm on the bike. I had a good time last night. I really like hanging out with the Team In Training people. They're positive, good people. Oh, now I think of a better song. "Standing On Top Of The World" by Van Halen. Where were you when I was looking for inspiration? I haven't heard this song in a while. I hope I hear back on some resumes pretty soon. It'd be nice to have a job. I think I'll blog about what I think about while I'm on the bike. If nothing else, it'll amuse me. I should reach in the pocket of my jacket and check my blackberry.....too much work. I would have felt it vibrate if someone were calling. I wonder when Patrick is going to be home. I missed him so badly last night. I want him to come home.
[Becky rides up and asks if I've been waiting long. A few minutes, I think. She tells me that we're going to walk after we're done on the bikes.]
I don't know if I'll be able to walk. But we'll see. I'll try. I need to be able to do this when I do the tri. So I'm sure I can do it. Back down the overpass and across the road. I like the cool down speed better. My legs still hurt but I think I'll be able to walk. It just feels good to be on the bike.