Under the Table and Dreaming

First Day Of Training

Today was my first official day of training for Team In Training. We rode the bike today. We went through the park and up hospital hill. I managed to ride it at about 8 miles an hour, which seems slow. But the first time I rode it, I had to get off the bike and the second time I rode it, I was going 5. We got down to the bottom and the coaches took us back up. So I ended up riding hospital hill twice. I didn't get off the bike. I managed to ride it twice. I really enjoyed riding. I really like the people who are involved in team.

I would write more - and will later. I helped Phillip move today. On top of hospital hill twice, I'm so tired I'm barely conscious. I promise a better post tomorrow when I'm a little bit rested.

TGIF And A Shuffle

It's Friday. I have a job starting next Wednesday. I start training with the Team tomorrow. I have contract work for this weekend. I can say that I'm feeling pretty good today. So instead of doing the usual iTunes Shuffle, I'm going to do my happy music shuffle. Here's a list of songs that make me happy. Oh, and I'm excited because Modest Mouse is playing the Fox Theater in Visalia on February 23rd. I'm going to see how much the tickets are. I saw them at the Rainbow Ballroom here a couple of years ago and it was a fantastic show. So I'm going to try to make it happen.

1. Float On - Modest Mouse
2. Tripping Billies - Dave Matthews Band
3. Smile - Lilly Allen
4. Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
5. Train In Vain - The Clash
6. Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
7. Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
8. Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
9. Love - G Love
10. Little Bit Of Feel Good - Jamie Lidell
11. Boogie Shoes - KC & The Sunshine Band
12. Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse
13. Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
14. Beer - Reel Big Fish
15. Here I Come - The Roots

Have a great day and a great weekend.

Why I'm Doing This Triathlon (Or Why I'm Participating With Team In Training)

I have talked a lot about my participation in Team In Training (TNT). But I've really only talked about the fact that I'm doing it. But I'm going to talk about what it is and why I'm doing it. Those are important things, too.

Team In Training is part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). Team recruits people like you and me to compete in endurance events while raising money for cancer. They recruit people to compete in triathlons, duathlons, marathons, and century rides (100 miles bike rides). They have coaches and mentors who guide you. In return for the training, you agree to raise money for LLS. You train for honorees - people who are fighting these blood-borne cancers. They are a vivid reminder of why you torture yourself with swimming, biking and running. Because my pain is nothing when compared to chemotherapy.

My best-o friend, Becky, is a Director for the Central California chapter of TNT. She has been for four years, I think. And she has been on my ass to do this the whole time. I blew her off for a long time. I didn't want to embarrass myself. I had gotten fat and out of shape and as a former athlete, it was embarrassing to me. I was scared of training and intimidated by the amount of money I have to raise. I found reasons not to do it. Then things started to change.

The first thing that happened was Becky forwarded me an email with a link to a website called Care Pages, that tracks cancer patients. She sent me the link for one of her honorees, Karagin. Her mom was posting about her treatment. Becky sent me the email telling me this is why she did her job. I read that entry - and as many entries before that as I could find. As I was reading about Karagin's treatment and her struggles, I found myself crying. All I kept thinking was that could be Patrick. And that no child (or person for that matter) should have to go through chemotherapy. it got me thinking. And in the grand tradition of everything I do, I continued to think on it. A lack of confidence was holding me back.

In August, I went to a poker tournament that Becky and some other TNT people had as a fundraiser. At that tournament, I met some of the people who participate in TNT. They are amazing people. They are good, positive people who give their all in helping to raise money to find a cure for these cancers. It was that day, as I sat next to Denny and listened to him talk about the marathon he ran in Hawaii and meeting Mark and Jill and the other people who were there, that I decided I wanted to do the tri. I told Becky I was in. She was surprised and excited. It wasn't until the next day that I thought what did I get myself into.

I told Becky I was in for the tri, but if I was going to do it, I wanted to start training ahead of time. And I did. I started walking with my mom and riding with Becky. I wanted to get in a bit of shape before official training started.

Tuesday night, I attended the kick off for the TNT season. I met the tri coaches and participants. I'm so excited. I'm still intimidated by the fund raising. I'm not good at asking for money, but for this, I'm going to get good. As with most people, I have been touched by cancer in my life. I lost my grandfather to colon cancer. My great-aunt to breast cancer. My aunt to complications from breast cancer. And, as I talked about on this blog, when I was in 5th grade, I lost a good friend to Leukemia. I believe with every fiber of my being that cancer can be cured. That it can be made manageable and that people, especially children, don't have to die from it. I have chosen to fundraise for LLS because 75% of the funds raised go to research and that is what is going to cure cancer.

The tri team has three honorees - Megan, Freddie and Shawn. Megan is 5 years old and cute as a button. She is fighting Leukemia. Freddie and Shawn are close to or are my age. They are winning their battles against the disease. I'm looking forward to meeting them and getting to know them as they are who I'm doing this for.

I have spent a lot of time on this blog bemoaning the fact that I haven't done anything to give back to the world. I'm now giving back. And I feel so incredibly good about it.

I'm going to use this blog to keep you all updated on my fund raising and training progress. If you are interested in contributing and helping me reach my fund raising goal, you can go to my website - http://teamintraining.org/cca/wildtri09/sgeiger and donate. Donations are 100% tax deductible.

I have said that this year is going to be one of incredible change for me. It's already happening. I have to say that I've already been affected by TNT. And I know that this experience will stay with me for the rest of my life. I also think that TNT will be a life-long commitment for me.

3 Long Years And 1,000 Posts

On January 29, 2006, I started this blog. My first post was pretty basic, and I think, kind of dumb. But I'm more critical with myself than others and I was just starting out. I have been thinking a lot about this post and I know I promised a "very special" post today. So I'm going to try to talk about why I do this.

I do this because I'm not good at keeping a handwritten journal. I used to keep a diary when I was a kid, but my brother would try to find it and well, it just got to be too much work. My handwriting is good, but it gets bad when my hand gets tired.

I do this because I love to write and my job only allows legal writing, which, while I do love it, can be as boring to read as watching paint dry. Not that this blog is any more exciting to read most of the time, but it is for me to write.

I have a lot to say. I admit it. I'm opinionated. And I like to espouse my opinion. I read a lot. I think a lot. I'm concerned about a lot of things. Someone once told me that she (I don't remember who it was except it was a woman who said it) would not be nearly so well informed about things in the world like what's going on in the Middle East if she didn't read my blog. That actually made me feel good. I have no idea how many people read this and whether they agree with me, but that's the beauty of this forum for communication. You can read anonymously if you so choose. You can comment if you so choose. You can disagree with me if you're crazy (kidding). I can say what ever I want, mostly.

I do this because I can vent about life. I can celebrate times of joy and commiserate in sorrow. I can complain. I can laugh. I can bitch. I can cry. I can rant and rave. I can wax philosophical. It's intimate, yet impersonal.

I do this because I believe that knowledge is power. I believe that talking about things can lead to change. I do this because it's fun. I like doing this. To me, it's not a chore to post every day. Or close to every day. My mind works quickly and I'm almost always thinking about something that I want to expand on here.

You all have been witness to my life for three years. This year will be one of profound change and I guarantee you'll see it here. I'm ready for it. Thanks to all who have stuck with me on this roller coaster ride that is my blog and my life. I appreciate your support and comments. I appreciate your concern and love.

Thanks for hanging in on things like "30 Days, 30 Songs" and the Shuffle and my moaning about whatever. You guys rock for reading this and sticking with me.

[Edited to add: This is how bad my math skills suck - This is also my 1,000th post. That's almost hard to believe. I am actually not sure what to say about 1,000 posts. Except that I talk a lot. Or write, as it were. I know I promised something special and I hate to let down the three people who read this blog, but I really am not sure what to say about 1,000 posts. It really is hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I'm glad that I have been faithfully blogging and making the effort to write every day. Some posts may be boring or may be silly or may be serious, but it's all about making the effort to do it. And I'm so glad I have.]

Random Thoughts

I was going to blog about a specific topic tonight, but it's proving harder than I anticipated and I need to devote more time to it. So instead, I will tell you the random things that have been on my mind today.

• I am freezing and haven't been warm all day. I hate it when I'm like this. It sucks.
• I walked with Phillip and Sheri and had fun. And seeing as I had to run to catch up to them because I was yakking with someone, I got a pretty stinkin' good workout. I really ran. Like a half mile or so. Don't laugh, that's a lot for me.
• My kid was sick again today, but is finally feeling better, so my life will be back to normal tomorrow.
• I have a job interview tomorrow.
• I have a job interview Friday. So, naturally, I'm thinking wardrobe.
• I need to finish my lecture for tomorrow night.
• Instead of Semi-Charmed Life in my head, now it's I Wanna Be Sedated by the Ramones (and I don't even have that one on my iTunes). I'm sensing a theme here.....
• John Cusack is the cat's meow.
• I'm hoping that I go to bed and to sleep before 2 tonight. I'm a night owl, but I have to get up at 6:00 and that won't make me happy.
• I love to teach. So love it.
• I'm so cold I'm shivering. That's not good.
• I love Top Chef and Life On Mars. There's hardly any good tv shows, why do two of the ones I watch have to be on at the same time?
• I'm totally excited about Team In Training.

My Head Is Spinning

Holy Crap! Tonight was the kick off for Team In Training. It was an awesome evening. I had a great time and am so motivated to get started with everything. At the same time, my head is spinning. I have so much going on.....

I got another job lead. I am supposedly going to be interviewed for a position. We'll see. I've heard that story before. I just want one of my leads to turn into actual employment. I'm getting used to not working full-time (or at least at one job). That's not a good thing, people. Soon I'll have delusions of winning the lotto and never having to work again.

I need to write my fund raising letter for team and get my website up and going. I need to get goggles for swimming, which reminds me that I'm not sure I still own a swimsuit and may have to hit my parents up for a small loan. I need to plan my fund raisers. I need to get moving. I have 12 weeks. That's it. I'm now officially scared that (1) I won't be able to raise the money and (2) I won't be physically prepared for what lies ahead. Did I mention a 2-3 miles run on Sunday? Did I mention I don't run? Just sayin'.

My class is going well, but I punted what I had planned tonight to help my students with their first project. It was the right decision, but that means Thursday I'm going to sound like the old Fed Ex commercial guy while giving my lecture. I have to get through an awful lot. Three classes under my belt and I have to say, when I'm in class and teaching, I experience the kind of happiness usually reserved for moments with Patrick and Dave Matthews shows. No joke. It's the best feeling. Very, very few things surpass that feeling. And those things involve activities I won't repeat here. I have papers to grade tomorrow night. And I'm excited about that.

I have so much to do and really need to work on time management. It's almost midnight and I have a couple hours' worth of stuff to do. I want to ride tomorrow. But it depends on whether Patrick is still sick. Oh yeah, Patrick is sick. He is coughing and sniffling and has a small temperature. I hate it when he's sick. He's grumpy because I won't let him outside to play basketball. The concept of "quiet time" does not appeal to him even when he's sick. He did feel bad enough this afternoon to lie on the couch with me. I suppose it's a blessing that I'm not working full-time right now so I could stay home with him.

I'm having issues with sleeping again. I haven't been able to fall asleep easily and that's not usually a problem for me. I'm going to have to get this issue solved. I can't go back to 4 hours a night. That could kill me.

I'm going to get to the stuff I need to do before I go to bed. I'm almost to post 1,000 and the 3rd anniversary of this little blog of mine. I promise very special posts on those days. They will be different days, I think. Math is not my strong suit.

[Edited to add: I changed the video to "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life" because this Goddamn song has been stuck in my head for WEEKS. I can't get rid of it. So I'm foisting it on you all in the hope that it will go away from my brain for a while.]

Things I Love

Today I'm going to talk about some things I love. Some are serious. Some are silly. Just a random list of things I have been thinking about that I love today.

• BBC World News America. Best news cast on tv. Like NPR for television, they do in-depth stories about topics in the U.S. and around the world - all done with a British accent.
• That British people use words like "cheeky".
• That I got into a suit today that I haven't been able to wear for three years. Made my day. The exercise is paying off.
• That my son is so considerate he didn't want to lie on me on the couch because I just got over being sick and he didn't want to get me sick again
• That my son is so sweet he is donating half is allowance (up to $80) to my fund raising for Team in Training
• That my son told me he wants me to meet my goal and complete the triathlon so it's okay to miss his first basketball game so I can train. Oma can videotape it for me.
• That I'm officially registered for Team in Training.
• The Audacity of Hope. The chapter on the Constitution made me mushy.
• Everyday Barack Obama does something to make me smile. Outlawing waterboarding and other forms of torture, opening up government documents to the public, not allowing his former to staff to lobby in the areas they worked in when they leave (for the duration of his administration).
• My Blackberry
• My iPod
• My new, super-padded cycling gloves
• Teaching
• The sun was shining today and it was still chilly

Today was a pretty good day. I've had so few of those lately, I like to acknowledge when I have them. I got a response to my resume from a temp agency and went in and interviewed and tested. The woman I interviewed with said that she could probably get me placed and at my salary requirement pretty easily. I hope that's the case. Even a temp job would be okay right now. For some inexplicable and unknown reason, I have the urge to bake a cake. Don't ask why, I have no idea. Sometimes I just want to bake. If anyone wants a cake, let me know. I don't want to have an entire cake here.

Stream Of Consciousness From A Bike

Disclaimer: This post will contain a lot of salty language as it deals with what runs through my mind while I'm riding. If salty language offends you, stop reading now.

Becky and I rode this morning. We were supposed to go 20 miles. I ended up doing 16 miles. I just ran out of gas. The fact that I couldn't sleep last night affected my ride, I'm sure. Anyway, I was thinking while I was riding and I thought that I would share with you all what goes through my mind while I'm riding. It will probably just confirm to you all that I'm nuts, but here goes....

Holy crap. It's cold. Really cold. [I'm waiting for Becky to put on her long cycling pants and get her helmet from her apartment.] And windy. Damn. I don't like wind. Wind sucks. [Becky comes down and we get on the bikes. At the beginning of the ride, I have enough energy and oxygen to talk so we chat about whatever. Today, I think we chatted about some mutual friends and what the triathlon will entail, etc. Then we get to the overpass at 41, west of Woodward park. Becky losses me because I go much slower up the hill.]

Damn it. One day I want to ride this overpass without slowing down to, what am I riding right now? Shit. 10. Well, just keep pumping. Get up the hill. Okay, now gear up so you can try to pedal on the downhill.  [We turn into the park. We chat briefly about drafting and how close I'm supposed to be to her wheel, which, completely feels to close and freaks me out.] So far, so good. We're going 15 and I'm keeping up okay today. The wind is kind of annoying. Oh, hey, there's Sparky. I'll say hi. [Sparky is Phillip and I did say hi to him. He was running. We get on the trail and ride to Friant road, stopping to wait for the light. I comment to Becky the exhaust from the truck idling next to us is making me sick. The light turns green,] Why can't I ever get my foot in this fucking pedal right? It's going to be worse when I get clips. I'll probably tip over every time I have to stop. I look like an idiot struggling with this at a busy intersection.....there we go. Okay. Catch up to Becky. Damn it, she rides fast. I'll try to keep up. Keep the legs pumping. Okay, Becky, I'll get through the light. I thought we were going out Shepherd. Obviously not. That's okay, I'll just follow.

[We turn on to Copper Road. Becky says we're going to pick off some dude riding in front of us whose wearing an offensively orange jacket. She also says she wants to go fast.] I'll just look at her tire. I'll concentrate on the tire....man the road is moving fast under the tire.....oh wow. We're going 16. Suh weet. Oh, damn. Hill. There goes Becky.......Okay. Just concentrate on pedaling. Pump the legs. Keep at it. Breathe. Okay. There's Becky. Back on her rear wheel. Man my legs hurt. And damn we're going fast. [I mention the speed to Becky and she says there's a tailwind, which I didn't feel.] I'm such an amateur. Man, it's quiet out here. No much traffic, either. Oh, crap. Another hill. There goes Becky. And here I stay at....ugh. 10. Damn it. I wish I could go faster consistently.

[We stop at Copper Road and Auberry Road. Becky asks if I want to ride out Auberry Road before it gets hilly or head back, ride the perimeter of the park a couple times and head back. I say what ever she wants to do. She decides to ride back to the park. She tells me that she wants me to ride in front so she can watch me. I make a turn and start back. She also tells me she wants me to use the drop down - the bottom, curved end of the handle bars. I'm not used to those.]

Holy shit. It's really windy. How fast am I going? Damn. 12. That's slow. Pump your legs more. Shift up one. [Becky tells me to go one mile an hour faster.] I don't think I can. Fuck, it's windy. I am up to 13? Huh. This wind sucks so bad. It's like no matter how hard I go, I can't keep my speed at 13. Fuck. I wish I could go faster. My legs keep hitting my stomach. These bars will be easier to use when I drop the gut. I never should have let myself get this fat and out of shape. My quads are like rubber bands that have been pulled taut to the point of fraying. Then someone lit a lighter under them. Burning pain. Usually this just happens on hills. We're on a flat. [Becky passes me and we immediately jump to 14.5] Man, I suck ass at this. I just wish I didn't hold Becky back. Man, I'm getting tired. And sore. My left calf is now screaming at me. Lovely. Okay, I need a distraction. Something to take my mind off the pain. A song. Let's see...... [I know the lyrics to hundreds of songs. Literally. Almost the complete Dave Matthews Band catalog, Abba, Van Halen, Rage Against The Machine, etc.] You have got to be kidding me. That's all I can think of. "I feel like I could die and that would be alright....alright......I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life." Really? Seriously? I feel like I could die and that would be alright? Well, it's kind of true. But I was hoping to direct myself to something more uplifting. Well, go with what you've got.

[We get back in the park. Becky says that we're going to spin and take it easy when we get to hills, we're going to push.] I don't know how much I have left to push, but okay. [I start thinking about a friend of mine and wondering if the person is okay. I don't want to get into details or name names, but I spend a few minutes thinking about my friend.] Oh, man I'm tired of hills and we have hardly ridden any. It's not like we did hospital hill. Man, I'm a wimp. And out of shape. Damn. Oh, I hate riding those bridges. They're just freaky. Big hill. There goes Becky.....is the dude on the mountain bike going to move....do they not realize there's a walker there? Asshole. Don't smirk at me you dick. If I had any ability to talk, I'd tell you to learn bike etiquette. Okay, there's Becky.

[We enter park and stop at the stop sign inside the Friant gate. Becky says we're going to ride around the park a couple times and head back. I tell her that my legs have nothing left. She says ride half the park, to the top of the overpass and wait for her there because she's going to ride a time and a half around the park. Okie dokie.]

Oh shit. This hill sucks. Damn it. What the fuck? [At this point the rubber band that is my right quad snaps. My leg seizes.] Crap. I have to stop. Crap. Crap. Crap. Oh man, this hurts. Deep breath. Okay. I'll just walk to the top. I feel like a moron for having to walk ten feet. But that's okay. I'm still not in shape. It's going to take a while to build my endurance. Okay, back on. That's better. Shift. Shift. Okay. One more hill. I can do one more hill. Okay, not so bad. Out of the park. To the top of the overpass. How fast am I going? 10. That's not too bad. Almost to the top.

[I stop at the top of the overpass. And finish the water in my water bottle. And sit and wait for Becky.]

God my legs hurt. I wonder how far down it is to the freeway. A long way. The traffic noise is like white noise. Despite my lack of sleep and pain in my legs, I feel pretty good. The sun is shining. I'm on the bike. I had a good time last night. I really like hanging out with the Team In Training people. They're positive, good people. Oh, now I think of a better song. "Standing On Top Of The World" by Van Halen. Where were you when I was looking for inspiration? I haven't heard this song in a while. I hope I hear back on some resumes pretty soon. It'd be nice to have a job. I think I'll blog about what I think about while I'm on the bike. If nothing else, it'll amuse me. I should reach in the pocket of my jacket and check my blackberry.....too much work. I would have felt it vibrate if someone were calling. I wonder when Patrick is going to be home. I missed him so badly last night. I want him to come home.

[Becky rides up and asks if I've been waiting long. A few minutes, I think. She tells me that we're going to walk after we're done on the bikes.]

I don't know if I'll be able to walk. But we'll see. I'll try. I need to be able to do this when I do the tri. So I'm sure I can do it. Back down the overpass and across the road. I like the cool down speed better. My legs still hurt but I think I'll be able to walk. It just feels good to be on the bike.

Empathy

I'm reading The Audacity of Hope for book club. I actually bought it when it first came out but had not gotten to it. My books-to-be-read list is really long. Anyway, I just finished the chapter entitled "Values" and at the end of the chapter, he talks about empathy. He basically says that most facets of American life are lacking empathy and that he learned it from his mother, who in the face of some injustice she witnessed, would say, "How would that make you feel?" I had literally just finished reading that when my doorbell rang.

My doorbell doesn't usually ring at 11:00 on a Saturday morning. I wasn't expecting any visitors this morning (witnessed by the fact that I'm wearing my flannel sleep pants with moose on them and a fairly ratty Red Wings t-shirt). I debated not answering the door. But curiosity won out, as it almost always does with me. I answered the door, and was immediately sorry I had. A man and his son (I'm guessing he was 8 or so), wearing suits and holding a Bible were standing on my front steps. My first thought was to say, "No, thank you" and shut the door. I figured they were either Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons. I had a spat of one or the other of them coming to my door pretty regularly when I first moved here. But I didn't say, "No, thank you" and close the door immediately.

I let the man go through his spiel about people blaming God for bad things in their lives when God is blameless. He then read scripture to me. It was about not blaming God and God not trying anyone. It was from James and I'd read it before. But it dawned on me, suddenly as I was standing at my front door and feeling self-conscious about not wearing a bra (something about God and men in suits standing on my front porch), that is why the Catholics believe that St. Peter meets you when you die and he's the one who looks at your life. Because the Bible says God does try you so someone else would have to. I know that's probably pretty elementary, but it honestly just occurred to me.

He then pulled a copy of the Watchtower out of his bag and pointed out an article about blaming God for your problems. He asked me if it would be something I'd be interested in reading and then I did say, "No, thank you." He and his son told me to have a good day and they went on their way.

Solicitors annoy me. They always have. I don't want my day interrupted or whatever task I'm working on interrupted by someone trying to make me a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon or trying to get me to pay to paint my house numbers on my curb. My first roommate when I moved out and my best friend from high school, used to answer the door to the apartment when the Jehovah's Witnesses would come to the door. She'd let them go through their thing, then say politely, "No, but can I interest you in the Book of Mormon?" It was a sure fire way to end the discussion quickly and it made me laugh.

It was probably because I'd just been reading about empathy that i listened patiently and felt so sorry for the little boy wearing the suit and going door-to-door with his dad. I'm sure they had much harsher rejections than the one I'd given them. They are merely following the tenants of their religion and trying to be a beacon for their beliefs. I can respect that. It doesn't mean I agree, but if I had to go door-to-door for whatever reason, I would expect that people would be kind enough to hear me out. So I heard them out. It did not influence me in any way.

I do not know what I believe in terms of religion. I don't know when or if I'll ever figure it out. I like to think there's a higher being. I like to think that this here is not all we get. But I don't know. To me the Bible provides a good allegory. I don't know if it's true. I believe Jesus and Mohammad lived. Whether they were prophets, I don't know. I'll keep trying to figure it out.

In the mean time, I'll just keep trying to practice living the Golden Rule a little better than I have been lately. I will try to think how something would make me feel. Those are words of wisdom.

A Shuffle

Here's your iTunes Shuffle for this Friday.

1. So Close - Alice In Chains
2. Digging Your Scene - The Blow Monkeys
3. Ants Marching - Dave Matthews Band
4. I Hate Rock And Roll - Jesus & Mary Chain
5. Song 6 - Daniel Powter
6. What Would You Say - Dave Matthews Band
7. Bound To Ramble - John Butler Trio
8. Just To See You Smile - Tim McGraw
9. Rats - Pearl Jam
10. Police On My Back - The Clash

I got a migraine half-way through class last night. I got sick when I got home. I'm out of medicine and my head is still hurting pretty bad. I'm trying to take it easy and keep the house dark and quiet so I don't aggravate my head. This sucks ass. I hate migraines. They are just debilitating. Anyway, I was going to write more, but I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe later.