Under the Table and Dreaming

Where I Am

I have had a roller coaster ride emotionally the last few days. I know that part of it is the intensity of the training and the realization that it's almost over. Part of it is nerves about the event itself. Part of it is worry. Right now I'm trying not to cry at every email that is sent from a teammate or every word of encouragement I have received from a friend.

I have been training (for the most part) six days a week for this triathlon. Four to five of them with the team and the coaches. I'm going to miss that. Granted, I'll be back as a mentor for fall and training. But it won't be with the same team. And it won't be with all the same coaches. So part of my melancholy is that I won't be seeing these faces I've gotten used to seeing more than almost anyone in my life the last four months.

I'm really getting nervous. I'm not used to feeling nerves like this. It's been a long time. I know that I'm going to finish the triathlon on Sunday. I know (in all likelihood) that I will not be the last one to finish on Sunday. I have prepared as much as I can. There is almost nothing I could do now that would affect the outcome on Sunday (with the exception of not sleeping or falling, but neither of those is going to happen). I know that I have come an incredible distance since this journey started - physically and mentally. While I'm proud of the physical changes and getting shape, I'm actually more astounded by how much I have changed mentally.

I have had a hard time with my self-confidence. Someone said about me recently that it was like I'd been told my entire life that I couldn't do whatever I was doing. It's so very true. As my coach, Jenny, says, "All limitations are self-limitations." It's amazing what we talk ourselves out of. Or convince ourselves we can't do something, most of the time before we even try. The fact that I actually signed up for this triathlon is amazing in and of itself.

Part of the reason this has been so hard on me mentally is that I'm used to the voices in my head saying "You can't do this." It's been really hard trying to shut those voices up. They've been there for a long time. There were trainings where I was on the bike and telling myself I had to get off. The voices in my head said "You can't ride this hill." Some days were so hard that I spent a lot of time crying in the shower and thinking that I'd gotten myself completely in over my head. Who was I fooling? A triathlon? On a hard course? Three sports I'd never done competitively, if at all, before? Oh yeah, not to mention being fat and out of shape.

The voices aren't totally gone - and probably never will be - but they are a lot quieter. Part of the reason they are a lot quieter is a training ride I had on the backside of Millerton in which my coach, James, literally got me up the hill. He was riding next to me and yelling at me to keep pedaling and told me not to quit. And I didn't quit. I battled through the pain and kept going. That is when I learned how much I had been limiting myself and how the voice in my head had been affecting me. I had an attack of the negative voices again today. I kept thinking, what if I let people down? What if I don't finish. What if I fall off the bike (again)? What if it takes me 6 hours to do it? Then I thought so what. There's no way I can possibly let anyone down because (1) I raised more than my minimum goal and that in itself is so huge and (2) I will be out there - in the lake, on the bike, and running. I didn't quit. I didn't give up. I kept at it. I kept training and even if I fall of my bike (again), I'll get back on it. And if it takes 6 hours, so be it. Once I cross that finish line, I can call myself two things - Badass and Triathlete. Both of which I will do with pride.

There's a song lyric on my blog banner - To change the world it takes one step. It goes on to say, "No matter how small, the first step is hardest of all." I can't think of a more fitting phrase to describe how this journey has been for me. Granted, I have not cured cancer. But I have helped those who are. And I have helped the people who are battling it. The first step - telling Becky I would do Wildflower and meaning it - was the hardest of all. But I'm a better person for having done it.

And The Panic Sets In...

I was in a mood all day. My team has been trading emails the past few days. And Facebook comments. I have been really emotional the last couple of days. People have said such kind things. It's been getting to me. I guess it's just because this experience has meant so much to me. And my friends have said some wonderful things to me as well. I am trying not to be irritable and cranky. Sometimes it leaks through. But I am excited. I'm looking forward to the excitement this weekend will bring. I'm looking forward to hearing the cowbells and cheers.

I had a shitty run tonight. It was really bad. My right leg hurt from top to bottom. It's pre-race jitter pain. I have been warned this would happen. It doesn't make me feel much better, but I'm taking Advil and trying to ignore it. When I was playing ball, I'd always be nervous before a big game. But I have learned one valuable thing from softball that hopefully will carry over to this triathlon. That is - a bad practice before the game inevitably meant I played a good game. The more errors I made in practice, the fewer I made during the game.

That bit of information hasn't stopped me from starting to panic. I have so much to do and so little time. Training wise, I've done all I can do. There is nothing I can do in the next few days that will make me any better. In fact, I'm not doing anything. I may ride a few miles tomorrow just to spin, but other than that, I'm not doing anything. I'm going to drink as much water and Gatorade as I can force down and I'm going to try to get decent sleep. That's all I can do.

But there is a certain level of panic that I'm feeling. I am tring to make a comprehensive list of what I need to pack so I don't forget something important like my wetsuit. I'm just panicked. It will pass. I'll breathe and it will pass. I'm committed to having fun. I want to enjoy every moment of this experience. I'm going to get new batteries for my camera and I'm going to take tons of pictures and have a really good time.

I'm going to try to relax. And not panic. I suppose a bit of panic is inevitable. And I know that I will be fine. I'm going to do my best and that's all I can do.

Patrick

8 years ago today, I had Patrick and my entire life changed. Those who know me know that I didn't want to have kids. I just never thought I was parent material. And for the one or two people reading this who don't know the story, I didn't tell anyone but Kevin and Katrina that I was pregnant. Which makes for an amusing story for others to tell. I was not in a good place then. And I had planned to give him up for adoption. I didn't think I would ever be a good parent. But once I had him, everything changed.

There was quite the debate over what to name him. His dad wanted to name him William Paul. I was okay with that, but not thrilled. As I held him (after the doctor was done stitching me for an hour), I asked his dad what he thought of Patrick. I wanted to initially name him Sean. But I said Patrick. Which, by the way, I never really liked. It just popped in my head. After much debate about whether he could have two middle names, he was named Patrick William Paul Berry. It was really weird that when I looked at this hours old baby, the name Patrick just came to me. He looked like a Patrick. If I'd known I was having a boy and picked names ahead of time, I never would have put Patrick on the list. He and I were talking the other day and I told him that I'd wanted to name him Sean. He looked at me and said, "Ewwww. I don't like Sean. I like Patrick." Who knows if I'd named him Sean if he'd say that about Patrick. I don't know.

I have been amazed these last 8 years. Patrick is turning out to be a great person. I say that not because he's my kid. But because I actually like the person he's becoming. He's such a sensitive, kind soul. We were shopping at Target one night. We were walking down the middle of the store and we passed a woman who had her son (who was probably 3 or so) in the cart. The boy dropped his action figure. Before I knew it, Patrick walked across the aisle, picked up the figure and gave it back to the boy. He did that before the boy's mom even knew her son had dropped the figure. She thanked Patrick and he said, "Your welcome." and went on his way. I never said a word to him. He just did it because it was a kind thing to do.

He's also really smart. His teacher sent home a bunch of projects he'd done at school. He wrote a paper called "I Am". It is a list of things he is. I'm going to frame it. He said that he thinks there's life off Earth. That he worries about me quitting the triathlon. That he's concerned for people who don't have homes. I'm so proud that he's learning compassion.

Patrick also has a natural talent at sports. He's a really good athlete and he understands sports. When he plays sports, no matter what kind of game he's having, he is the first player to cheer his teammates and to high five them when they do well. He is always cheering for his team and is always upbeat even if he's having a bad game. He's a good sport and doesn't get unreasonably upset when his team loses.

He is a sponge and just continues to soak up knowledge. He was keeping score at the Grizzlies game tonight and he remembered most of what he learned last summer. He's really good at it. We were watching one of the Grizzlies bat tonight and he mentioned that the batter was standing with his front foot toward third. He asked me why he was doing that when he was supposed to step toward the pitcher. It was an astute observation. So I explained to him that the batter lifted his foot and brought it toward the pitcher when he would swing. I told him that was a timing thing and that every batter does it differently. I could tell as I was talking that he was filing it away to use later.

I'm so happy that he likes sports. And books. And school. He's a great kid. And he has changed my life in so many ways. He has taught me to think of someone other than myself. He has taught me to be more patient. He has taught me what it truly means to unconditionally love another person. He has taught me that it's okay to be silly. He has taught me more than I think I will ever teach him.

I told him I was thinking about quitting the triathlon a few weeks ago. I told him that it was just too hard for me and maybe it would be better if I quit. He stood in the shower, soap in his hair, looked at me and said that I couldn't quit. I told him that it would mean more time for us to spend together if I quit. He told me that he didn't care if it meant more time with me. He said the triathlon training was good for me and that he didn't want me to quit. He wanted me to keep going. He wanted me to do more after this event because it was good for me. It made me tear up. My 7 year old was turning down more time with me because he thought what I was doing was good for me.That's just who he is.

8 years ago today, my life changed forever. And while I never wanted to have kids, I cannot imagine my life without him. I can't imagine my life any other way. He's the best kid anyone could ever ask for. I love him with all my heart.

The Second Season

As you, my loyal readers know, I am a hockey fan. Specifically the Detroit Red Wings. An Original Six team (along with the New York Rangers, Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackahawks, Montreal Canadiens, and Toronto Maple Leafs.) As of the writing of this blog, the Rangers, Bruins, Blackhawks and Wings are still in the playoffs. People joke about the NHL playoffs being eternity - well the whole hockey season in general. It starts in October and will end in early June. The playoffs focus on one thing - Lord Stanley's Cup. The greatest trophy in sports. Every name of every person who's every played on the Cup winning team is on it. It weighs 35 pounds. If I was ever lucky enough to get near it, I wouldn't touch it. Only those who win it should touch it. But that's just me.

The Red Wings faced the Columbus Blue Jackets in the first round. They rolled over the Jackets, sweeping them. The fine-tuned Hockeytown playoff machine was looking like its well-oiled self. I was watching the Anaheim-San Jose series with interest. I hate Anaheim. They cost me $100 and a dance on a bar the year they won the Stanley Cup. [In my defense - the guy who bet me offered me the ENTIRE NHL against the Ducks. Who would have thought I'd lose that?] So it was not good to see Anahem defeat San Jose tonight. The Wings get the Ducks next. Detroit will not take them for granted. I guarantee that. Mostly, I don't want to the Wings to play the Ducks because of Chris Pronger. He's dirty and he plays with intent to injure. He spends more playoff time getting suspended than playing. I would rather our guys not have to deal with him. But such is life.

There are some playoff traditions that I love. First off - facial hair. None of the players shave. Or they wear goatees (which I'm a huge sucker for.) I love that they all look like Grizzly Adams by the time the Stanley Cup finals roll around. Playoff facial hair is the bomb. Another tradition I love is unique to the Red Wings. That is the Octopus. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, it took eight games to win the Stanley Cup. When the Wings were good in the 20s and won, fans would throw Octopi on the ice, each tentacle symbolizing each win in the playoffs to hoist the Cup. To this day, Wings fans will toss Octopi on the ice during playoff games. I love seeing that nasty dead Octopus on the ice.

The Red Wings are the first defending Cup champs to move on from the first round in 6 years. They are playing so well. I'm hoping they advance to the Western Conference Final. And I hope the Blackhawks make it that far. I would love to see an Original Six final. But I'll be just as happy for the Wings to make it that far.

I know that most of you are not hockey fans. I encourage you to watch some playoff hockey. It's exciting and who knows - you may become fans. At any rate I'll be taping and watching all the Red Wing games in hopes that they can repeat as Stanley Cup Champions.

Triathlon Update

The Wildflower Triathlon is one week from today. By this time next Sunday, I'll be drunk, for sure. I can't believe how fast this has gone by. And how nervous I am.

Tuesday, we swam race distance in the lake. I did okay. I know that I can do the swim and will do it in about 40-45 minutes. I felt pretty good Tuesday night. It dawned on me as I was swimming that this triathlon - for me - is all about patience. It's about pacing. I need to slow myself down on the swim and bike and try to work on getting done but not exerting myself so much I can't do anything else. I suppose it's good it dawned on me now.

I didn't train Wednesday or Thursday. Wednesday, I was so tired I almost fell asleep at my desk. I just couldn't do anything else. Thursday, my dad had a catheter in his heart and was in the hospital all day so I was there with him. Saturday was Patrick's birthday party. Afterward, I rode. It wasn't as long as I wanted it, but it was a decent ride. Tonight, I ran 4 miles after our send off party. This week, I'll run on Wednesday and that will be it until next Sunday.

I'm totally scared. I'm scared of the bike ride more than anything else. The course is so hard. I know that I can do it. And I know that I will not have a problem with the time cut off. But the course is hard. And there are going to be a lot of participants out there. I'm going to try to channel my nerves into something I can work with.

I'm also totally excited. I have worked so hard. I have trained hard. And while I am very hard on myself sometimes, I do see improvement. I can swim race distance - in a lake and in a wetsuit. I can run 12 -15 minute miles. I can ride a consistent 18 mile an hour pace on the bike (on a flat). When I started, I could hardly swim 500 yards. I "ran" 17 minute miles. And I rode at 12 miles an hour. That's amazing progress. Becky said to me yesterday when we were riding that I would probably never see that kind of improvement again and I should savor it. Believe me, I am.

I have had so much fun on this journey. And I'm proud of what I've done. But I could not have done this at all without some totally awesome people. Becky - thank you from the bottom of my heart for not giving up on me. Thank you for being persistent and asking me to do this. Thank you for loaning me your very expensive bike and for not freaking out too much when I ate in the sand. There just aren't words for how much this means to me and that I get to share it with you. I totally get it now. And am even more in awe of every Ironman out there.

To my coaches - James, Jenny, Melanie, Chis, Christina and Rebecca - you guys are the best. I can't tell you how much I've learned. You all have been incredibly supportive and kind. Because of your support, I have learned that I can run multiple miles. I can swim almost a mile, and I can ride hills. I may not like riding hills (yet) but I can do it. I know I must have frustrated you at times and worried you at other times. But you all kept me from quitting. And you all have inspired me to keep going. Thank you all so very much for everything you've done.

To the mentors - whether you were mine (Vickie) or someone else's (Kathy) or the honoree captain (Becki), you guys totally rock. Thank you for your support and encouragement. Becki, thank you for reminding me why we do this. Vickie, thanks for your emails and calls. You have been a good friend and great mentor. Kathy - we survived the wetsuits and lake swims. I will always feel bonded to you after our first lake swim.

To my teammates - you guys are the best. I have made some great friends. You guys have been such a source of encouragement and kindness and laughter. Thanks to all of you for keeping me going. For not letting me quit. For reminding me that I'm doing better than I think. You guys are going to rock next weekend and with most of you, I will not get to see you cross the finish line because I will be behind you, but I will be there with you in spirit. I'm so incredibly proud to be able to call you all my teammates and my friends.

To every one who contributed to this experience - whether you donated money or made encouraging comments here or elsewhere, thank you. Your words often humbled me and made me cry. You are also part of the reason that I did not quit. Thank you for your kind words and donations and support and encouragement. It is because of all of you that I made my fundraising goal. Thank you all so much.

Becky told me that this experience would change my life. Other TNT people said the same thing to me. I never really really doubted that it would. But I never counted on exactly how much it would change my life. I have gotten off my couch and found that I miss when I don't get to train. My outlook on life has gotten a lot more positive. I am giving something back and that means a lot to me.

Most of all, I have shown Patrick a good example. I have begun to get back into shape. I have shown him that even when things are challenging, you don't walk away. I have shown him that you can climb what seems to be the highest hill. I have shown him how rewarding giving back is.

Finally, I just wanted to say that unfortunately, most every one's life is touched my cancer. It might not be Leukemia or Lymphoma, but most everyone knows someone who has had cancer. I have lost 2 aunts to breast cancer. A very dear friend of mine has a mother fighting a battle with it. I have another friend who had it at 34. She recently had a son. I lost a friend to Leukemia when I was in 5th grade. I can't help but think that if he were diagnosed today, he may have lived.

I am proud of reaching my fundraising goal. I am proud that I was able to do something that will go to make our honorees' lives better. The entire reason I'm doing this is our honorees - Freddie, Shawn and Megan. And Kate and Susan, who are my personal honorees. They are all brave people who have fought battles with cancer. In a perfect world, none of them would ever have to have fought a battle with cancer. But we don't live in a perfect world. But one day, thanks to the efforts of all the people who work at LLS and coaches and participants, we can find a cure. And that is why I have done this. And that is why I will continue to do this. And why I will continue to tell everyone I know to joint Team In Training. It's the best thing you can do.

Go Tell It On The Mountain

Here's you iTunes Dj for today:

1. Go Tell It On The Mountain - Bob Marley
2. Do I Do - Stevie Wonder
3. Fast Company - The Eagles
4. Christmas Song - Dave Matthews Band
5. It's Too Late - Carole King
6. Open Letter (To A Landlord) - Living Colour
7. Blow Your Whistle - KC & The Sunshine Band
8. Workin' In A Coal Mine - Harry Connick, Jr.
9. From Chaos - 311
10. 'Round Midnight - Miles Davis
11. Jimi Thing - Dave Matthews Band

I threw in a bonus song for the hell of it. I'm not in the best of moods today. I'm a lot tired and a little stressed. So I may come back later to write more. I may not. We'll see.

Dear Abby....Or Is It Dr. Phil?

I have been told I'm a good listener. I like to think that this is one time where my perception of myself meet other's perception of me. I view friendship as partly involving therapy. We all have issues in life. We all have (or should have) people we can turn to when life blindsides us. We should all have people in our lives that we can call in the middle of the night and cry to. Or get drunk with. Or lean on. I'm so incredibly blessed that I have more than one person in my life that I can turn to when I need someone. And I feel blessed that I can be that person for my friends as well.

Some of my friends (more than I like to see) have had some really hard times. Be it with relationships or jobs or marriages or kids or life in general. Life is not always easy, but it shouldn't be as hard as it's been for some of us. Some of my friends have been talking to me about what is going on with them. They some times come to me and ask me for advice. Those of you who know me, know that I have no shortage of opinions and am not usually afraid to express them. I don't mind giving advice that isn't followed.

But here's the thing - I'm not an expert. People ask me relationship advice and I've never had a successful relationship. I feel like a hypocrite telling people what to do in their love lives. Because mine has been such a disaster. But maybe it's because mine has been such a disaster that people ask me. I've had a lot of jacked up things happen to me. And I have survived them all and taken lessons from each one. Maybe that makes me wise enough to give advice.

I have noticed there is a fine line between giving advice and telling someone what to do. I try not to do that. I try to make sure that I am only giving advice and not telling someone what to do. I also try not to get into the middle of relationship drama. But I'm not always successful.

It's so incredibly hard to watch my friends suffer. The protective, mothering part of me wants to kick ass when my friends are wronged. But I know that I can't do that. It makes things worse. And it makes it hard for me to be neutral, especially when I am friends with both people. I know that part of my interfering is my own dysfunction. My own inability to keep out of others' business. Sometimes, I just don't have it in me to leave well enough alone. Sometimes I don't have it in me to walk away.

So I'll be Dear Abby or Dr. Phil for my friends even though I feel like the fraud. If nothing else, I will listen and say what I think. I have no qualms about speaking my mind.

Patience Is A Virtue

When I was a child, my mother used to say that to me all the time. Some where along the road in life I picked up this phrase that follows: And virtues are for Grace and Grace is a little girl who never washed her face. Don't ask where I got that. I have no clue. But every time someone says to me that patience is a virtue, that is what pops into my head. Well, that and some bitter thoughts about whomever said that to me. I'm not a patient person in most facets of my life. That's not to say I had ADD and can't complete what I start or pay attention to things. It means that sometimes I expect things to happen faster than they can or should. I often think I should be good at something right away, even if it's something I've never done before, like a triathlon. Unfortunately, I see that same quality in Patrick. He expects to be perfect in everything he does. Like me, he's going to have to learn that being good at something requires practice and patience.

One thing this triathlon is teaching me - for better or worse - is patience. Before I started training for this triathlon, I was really out of shape. I'm still not in shape, though I'm better than I was. It will probably take at least six more months before I start feeling like I'm in shape. I wish I'd never gotten out of shape and I certainly wish it would take less time to get back into shape, but I just have to be patient. I can't make it go any faster. It takes time to get in shape and build endurance and there's nothing I can do to make it go faster.

I have figured out why I have such issues on the bike and with the swim. It's because I'm not patient. When I ride hills, I want to get over the hill quickly. I push too hard and can't make it. I do not have the patience to keep going up the hills that are long. I need to develop them. Becky says I need to learn to ride long hills in order for me to become patient while riding them. I think that's a tall order.

All of this dawned on me in the lake yesterday. We swam race distance - almost a mile. While I was swimming back, I was thinking about patience. If I swim really fast, all that does is wear me out. I have to swim slower and at a more consistent pace. So I was concentrating on not sighting the courthouse and getting frustrated because I was no closer to the end. I just tried to swim in slow, even strokes. I got tired and had to do some back stroking, but I kept moving. I still got impatient and tried to go faster than I should have. Slowly but surely, I am getting better and taking my time and doing this at my pace. The more relaxed I am, the better I swim as well. So I just need to concentrate on swimming consistent strokes and not worrying about how long it's taking me or the distance I have left to go.

I have spent my life fighting my impatient nature. I have tried a lot of things. One of the reasons I have trouble meditating is that I'm not patient enough to clear my mind. I'm finding that for me, this triathlon is the best thing to teach me to be patient. Change, massive change, doesn't happen over night. I'm finally starting to see the big picture with this triathlon. And I'm finally learning patience.

Another Day, Another Post Delayed

I keep promising blogs about topics and not delivering. Sorry about that. When I sit down to write most of the time, it's late (like now) and I'm too tried to write a long post. So instead of comparing the bar exam and the triathlon, which I am working on, I'm going to talk about something else.

Patrick's birthday is coming up. He's going to be 8. I seriously don't know where the time has gone. I'm going to post about him on his birthday. But he got his report card today. He got all As. And all outstandings for behavior. He's so far ahead of his class in math, his teacher had to make a handwritten block on his report card for it. He's reading at a 5th grade level. He got his summer buzz tonight and informed me that he was glad I didn't freak out at how short it was. Better than looking like a hippie, I say.

I swam at the lake tonight. Race distance. And I have to say that I never thought I would see the day where I could swim race distance and not be too tired to do anything else. But I swam more than race distance tonight and could have run or biked. I'm starting to get into better shape. The pieces of the puzzle are finally starting to fit together. It was a picture I never thought I'd see. It's a funny thing - to start believing in myself after all this time. I've finally gotten to the point where I think I can do this. That's such a great feeling. And honestly, if I can do a triathlon, I can do anything. (Don't any of you go nuts and start suggesting I take the bar exam again cuz that ain't happening.)

I'm thankful I'm not teaching this quarter. It's not a subject I know and, quite frankly, I'm tired. I think all this activity is catching up to me. I'm tired. I can't seem to get to bed before midnight and I can't seem to haul my ass out of bed in the morning. A week and a half to the tri and I'm sleeping in.

My dad is having a heart procedure on Thursday. I'm taking the day off work to sit with my mom because she asked me to. Which worries me to no end. My dad has had a stent and a pacemaker/defibrillator put in. Neither time did she ask me to come sit with her. But my parents have been acting a bit different about this. Dad's been tiring easily and grumpy. This happened last year at the end of tax season and that's when he had the pacemaker put in. But evidently, the doctor indicated that they weren't sure what is wrong or if they can fix it. My dad, who's from Gloom and Doom stock, automatically thinks every time he goes in the hospital he's going to die. But the fact that my mother is worried bothers me. And the fact that I had to have a discussion about what to do if something happens to him bothers me more. There's nothing I can do except go to the hospital with my mom on Thursday and wait to see what is done. But it's weighing on me right now.

I don't want to leave on a downer, but I'm sneezing from the lake and need to wash the funk off. Plus I need to get to bed and get some sleep. have a good one, loyal readers. I'll be back tomorrow.

Too Tired To Be Deep

It's effin' hot. 96 today. It's freakin' April. And it better cool off in time for Patrick's birthday. I don't want another birthday part in the 90s. That sucks. I was sore and tired today. Really tired. I should be in bed. But I'm (yet again) doing laundry. I think all the stuff I've been doing is starting to catch up to me. So since I'm not all there mentally tonight, I'm going to give you a list of things I'm thinking about today.

• Red Wings game tomorrow night. They're up 2 games to none on Columbus. Go Wings! Maybe I shouldn't tape the game. They've won both the games I haven't watched.....
• Patrick played a good game tonight. Though he's one of the best batters on his team, his coach perpetually bats him last and he only gets one at bat a game. He's frustrated. He told me tonight (after he popped out to the catcher) that his hitting was not "impressive". I love my kid.
• The Pulitzer Prizes were announced today. The winner for fiction is a book I've never heard of. I feel illiterate.
• I have lost and found so many things the last two weeks, I think I have Alzheimer's. Still can't find my swimsuit.
• I am really excited that I've met my fundraising goal for the triathlon.
• Two weeks until the tri. I'm nervous and excited. I know I'm going to finish. It's just a matter of when. i'm excited to be at the event and go to the expo and see the pros race on Saturday. I'm excited to share this experience with my coaches and teammates and Becky.
• I'm so tired my vision has blurred so I'm done listing stuff tonight.

Tomorrow, I'll try to write the post I wanted to write today, comparing the bar exam to a triathlon. Hmmmm. I was just thinking about the last time I took the bar exam. The last night, a friend drove in to stay with me. A friend that I no longer talk to and have kind of missed lately. Just when I think I've let it go, it comes back and smacks me in the forehead like a boomerang. Anyway, have a good night, my loyal readers. I promise to be more entertaining tomorrow.