Love

The dictionary defines love as:   1.        a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books

I'm reading The Secret Life Of Bees for bookclub and one of the characters tells another that Eskimos have 32 words for love. Looking at the definition(s) in the dictionary for love, I think that maybe the Eskimos have the right idea. The love I have for ice cream is not remotely close to the same love I feel for Patrick. I love Dave Matthews in an entirely different way than I love my family. What prompted me to look up the word in the first place was my relationship with the boyfriend. Because when I get confused about life, books are the first place I always run.

He told me he loved me pretty early on in our relationship and, quite frankly, I didn't think he could possibly love me. I thought he didn't know me enough to love me. It also totally freaked me out. Because I'm so not quick to say that I love someone. And when I say it, I want to mean it. I want it to be true. My problem was that I was thinking about love and not feeling it. Intellectually, I keep saying that I can't possibly be in love because we haven't known each other very long. But thoughts really don't have that much to do with it. No, I don't know everything there is to know about him. When he said he loved me, I said to him "But I don't know your favorite color or band." To which he laughed and said I was a girl. True enough. And no, he doesn't know everything there is to know about me. But here's the thing - no one does. And no one ever will. There are parts of us that will always belong to us an no one else. So if love isn't about knowing
everything there is to know about another person, what is it about?

I can only say what it's about to me. To me, love is about acceptance. Not just lip service, either. It's about recognizing the person you are talking about has flaws but those flaws are part of who they are. And those flaws, which may be annoying to you, are not enough for you to not want to be with that person. You cannot, in my opinion, love someone if you expect them to change. Accepting someone for who they are - all of them, is to me, what love is about. It is accepting that you may not always agree with each other, but you can accept that you will not. Love is about compassion and comfort. Realizing that everyone is going to have rough times, and knowing what to do for them when they do. Love is unconditional. And that is the hardest one for most people. To love someone without limitation. To say "I love you no matter what happens." It's easy to do when it's a child. It's harder to do when it's a partner. It's easy to say you accept someone for
who they are faults and all. It's hard to put that into practice. But I think it's essential to long-lasting relationships. Being able to accept someone for who they are and being able to love unconditionally are the keys to good marriages, I think.

I think I was hesitant to say I was in love because admitting that someone has that power over me is hard. And admitting that means I'm leaving myself open to being hurt. But I look at my boyfriend and my heart swells. I know it sounds corny, but it does. He makes me happy. He's kind and patient. He's funny and smart. He's shy and sweet. No, he's not perfect. Neither am I. But we get along well. What I feel for him is a mixture of all the definitions in the dictionary. It's not a matter of how long I've known him. It's not a matter of what I think. It's a matter of what I feel. And there's no sense in denying what I feel for him.

It's also a matter of not letting my past experiences interfere with my present relationship. I'm scared of this because of the intensity of my feelings - if I feel so deeply about him what I feel, I'm going to be terribly hurt if he walks away. He swears he's in this for the long term and he's not going anywhere. I'm choosing to believe that and let him in. Because when it comes down to it, I'd rather risk that he might walk away at some point in the future than know he's leaving now because I can't let down my walls and let him in.

Comments

[KJB]

Ahhhhhhhh...to be young and in love :-P

[Blog Struktur Rumah]

The article is usefull for me. I’ll be coming back to your blog.