Under the Table and Dreaming

#20

Last night, Dave Matthews Band took the stage here in Fresno at the Save Mart Center. It was the first time they played in Fresno, my hometown. Needless to say, when I first heard they were playing here this summer, I thought people were screwing with me. Dave doesn't play here. But last night they did. It was my 20th show. Everyone teases me about having a schoolgirl crush on Dave Matthews. And yes, I do kind of have a crush on him. But that is not why I got to the shows and not why I love the music. Before I get into all that, I'm going to talk about his opening act, Jason Mraz.

This is the third time I have seen Jason Mraz. All three times he's opened for Dave. And each time I see him, I like him more. He plays the kind of music I truly like. Mellow, hippie, reggae-influenced happy music. His show last night was fantastic. He played "The Remedy" and for the third time, it was different. I have loved each time, but last night's reggae version was by far, the best. He also played "I'm Yours", a song I have loved since the very first time I heard it and one that just broke the record for number of weeks on the Billboard chart (71). Every time I hear that song, I think of Michael and it just makes me smile. His set was really good. And I guess here's where I should mention that Patrick, Becky and Marianne went with me last night. I finally got to take Patrick to a Dave show and he was stoked. He got a t-shirt and though he was tired, had a great time. He told me a few times that he wants to listen to more Jason Mraz as he really liked his set.

Dave came out before Jason Mraz came on and said he was hoarse, which he was. When DMB started their set, he apologized and said to sing along if he started sounding bad. He didn't have his usual range, but I thought he still sounded pretty good. They played a lot of new stuff. And they played some favorites. They played "#41" and Jeff Coffin's sax solo was so amazing, I got chills. Really. It was hotter than hell in Save Mart Center and I got chills. The solo went on for probably 10 minutes. They played the song for over 20. It was amazing. I also got to hear "Crush" my all-time favorite DMB song. They played "Grey Street". For the encore, they played "Jimi Thing" - for half an hour. It was amazing. Usually the encore is two or three songs, but I think Dave's voice was done. But 1/2 hour of "Jimi Thing" was freaking great. All told, it was three and a half hours of bliss.

There are two reasons why I love DMB so much. One is their live shows are amazing and it's about the only time in my life where I can shut my mind off completely and just be. I can be in the moment without thought or worry. It's just me and the music. I get that so rarely that I try to capture it as much as I can. Which is why I go to so many shows and why I'm sad I'm only seeing one show this year.

The other reason I love DMB so much is way more complicated. The shortest version of the story is that after I had Patrick, I was very, very depressed. I was clinically depressed before I had him and having him made it 100 times worse. I literally didn't care much about anything. The first six months or so after I had him are a blur. About a year after I had Patrick, I went to my first DMB show. I was totally hooked. I was a fan before, but the live show hooked me. It's not the crush I have on Dave. It's the fact that the music spoke to me. It touched and moved me. It almost certainly saved my life. It's hard to explain but all I can say is that the music expresses things that I can't. I felt like even though they don't know me and never will, Dave Matthews understands the kind of existential questions that I ask a lot. I know it sounds stupid and even as I read this, I think it sounds stupid. It is just really hard to explain.

I know a lot of people don't like Dave Matthews. They don't like his voice or the music. And that's cool. I can't stand Coldplay. For me, going to a Dave show is my little slice of heaven on Earth. And though he was hoarse and not playing up to his full potential last night, he still gave it everything he had. And I loved it. Thanks, guys for playing my hometown. I hope you come back. We loved having you.

IOU

I owe you all two playlists and some decent blogs. Unfortunately, tonight's not the night. I had a hellacious day that I really want to end. I'm not in the mood to talk or write or much of anything else. I promise, however, that I will be prolific blogger this weekend and make up for ignoring this little blog and the two or three people who may still be reading it.

The End Of Camelot

Ted Kennedy died a couple of days ago. He was 77. He'd been in the Senate since 1962. He co-authored 2,500 pieces of legislation. He was widely respected by those whom he served with. I'm sure a lot of Right-wing pundits and some newer, more vituperative politicians are happy. I think it's sad. Not just because he was a Kennedy. Not just because he was a Democrat. But because he understood the need for compromise. He understood that, at the end of the day, the men and women on the other side of the aisle were human and had constituents and they believed what they believed. Ted Kennedy was a passionate believer in helping people and in education.

I was born after JFK and RFK were assassinated. I was raised in the time of Reagan. But growing up, I read voraciously. That included books on my parents' shelf. I read RFK Must Die, over my father's objection when I was in high school. I read books by Robert and John Kennedy as well as about them. I have always believed in their brand of politics. Honestly, I never gave much of my attention to Ted Kennedy. But as I was listening to President Obama and Orrin Hatch talk about him on NPR yesterday, I realized I'd missed out. He was of the same persuasion as his brothers. He believed in helping the poor but not coddling them. He was a supporter of education and opposed to the war in Iraq.

I think that no matter what his political persuasion, he should be recognized for his years of public service. He served his constituents well. He served our country well. Maybe it's just me but it seems that we're losing the generations of Americans who understood compromise and sacrifice to be replaced with those who hate and refuse to meet in the middle. It's a sad day for us all when lying to get a "win" is more important than doing what's right for the people. As older, seasoned politicians die, they are replaced with those who see dirty tricks and "what's in it for me" as the way to go. We will all end up paying for that brand of politics. It's not what I believe and I wish more people felt the way I do.

The death of Ted Kennedy is truly the death of Camelot. While many of the Kennedy children have gone into politics and done many other worthwhile things, none have managed to claim the mantle of leadership now vacated by Ted. Despite his early personal issues, Senator Kennedy was a good Senator and should be remembered as such.

Crappity Crap Crap

This has not been the best week ever so far. Except for Patrick getting to go to the school he wants, it's been fairly shitty.  And here's why:

• The freakin cats are enough to make me want to kill someone.
• It's hot. I'm tired of hot. Period.
• I'm trying to help Michael get custody of his daughter and have screwed up the papers three times. In my defense, the first time wasn't my screw up, but the court's. But that doesn't matter to him.
• I am not feeling very good. That shades everything.
• Said problems with said custody papers are causing Michael and I to get snippy and we never get snippy. 

I promise I'll be back later with a better post. I haven't forgotten about you. Just too busy to even think straight right now.

Just A Few Words

I'm getting ready for work and will be back at some point with the play list for today. The fact that I have yet to choose a theme bothers me. But hey. I'll think of something. I wanted to write something about the elections in Afghanistan and some other things going on that don't revolve around me and my boyfriend. But I just haven't had the time. I will make some time this weekend to talk about it.

I'm beside myself angry at Patrick's school district for not informing me he needed an intradistrict transfer to stay at his elementary school. I'm going to be on the phone today trying to get things set so he can start school where he wants on Monday. Hopefully, all will work, but you never know. I'll talk about it in more detail after I have a concrete result to discuss.

I have to get ready for work. I hope you all have a great Friday. I'll be back later.

Remiss

I have been remiss in my blogging. I apologize for that. My life is somewhat busy right now. I have my regular job, my teaching job, Patrick, Michael and my training. I will confess that most nights I have been in bed before 11 and usually way before 11. I've had a lot on my mind and every time I feel the urge to write, I've either been too tired or too busy. Such is life.

I have a lot I want to talk about, but lack the energy. So I'll bullet point this post and try to write more in the next few days.

• Top Chef is back. Yay.
• Three cats are almost three too many.
• In two and a half weeks, I'll have done my third triathlon.
• I'm on course to read more books this year than I ever have.
• Patrick starts school Monday - 3rd grade. I'm getting old.
• One of my best friends lost his aunt to cancer last week and I'm sad for him.
• I'm trying to get the hang of this girlfriend thing.
• Melrose Place is coming back? When is Hollywood going to stop making crappy remakes of crappy shows and/or movies?

That's about all I have the energy for tonight. I taught and am rapidly losing the battle with waking time. Have a good one and I promise not to be so remiss in my blogging.

Finally

I love to bake. I am pretty good at it. But lately, I've had a series of baking catastrophes. It started with Michael's birthday cake. Which stuck to the pan. It was a mess. Then there was the incident with the biscuits. I have been trying to hard to make decent biscuits. I have tried four different recipes. None of them seem to work. They were hard as rocks. They didn't taste right. I finally redeemed myself.

My mother got me the King Arthur Flour cookbook last Christmas. There was a biscuit recipe in there. I tried it last night. And lo and behold - it worked. They were light and rose and tasted like biscuits are supposed to taste. I'm glad I finally had a baking victory because I was getting upset.

Baking is all about following directions precisely. But sometimes, you do that and things still go wrong. I think I bake so well because I like to have directions. And I follow them. It's the key to baking. My brother is a fantastic cook. He can cook anything and do it from scratch. But his ability to improvise hurts him when he tries to bake. He likes to change the recipe. When you bake, you can't change anything. When you change a recipe with baking, I can almost guarantee that the end result will not be what you started out to make.

I'm hoping that the next thing I bake comes out like the biscuits last night and not like Michael's cake. I thought my baking mojo had gone. But maybe it's back. We'll see.

Channeling Anger

Today's play list is my angry music play list. The songs I listen to when I'm really mad. The songs that channel my anger. So here's my list of angry songs:

1. Your Time Has Come - Audioslave
2. It's So Easy - Guns & Roses
3. Highway To Hell - AC/DC
4. One Step Closer - Linkin Park
5. Bleed It Out - Linkin Park
6. Lying From You - Linkin Park
7. My Own Worst Enemy - Lit
8. Just A Girl - No Doubt
9. Last Resort - Papa Roach
10. Why Go - Pearl Jam
11. Jeremy - Pearl Jam
12. So What - Pink
13. Guerilla Radio - Rage Against The Machine
14. Testify - Rage Against The Machine
15. Sleep Now In The Fire - Rage Against The Machine
16. Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine
17. Your Guts (I Hate Em) - Reel Big Fish
18. Fake It - Seether
19. I Hate Everything About You -Three Days Grace
20. Loser - 3 Doors Down

There you have it - my list of angry music. It helps on a bad day. I haven't had a really bad day in a while, thank God. I hope you all have a great weekend. I'm going to by busy but will post tomorrow for sure.

RIP John Hughes

John Hughes died. He was, probably more than any other filmmaker, the voice of my generation growing up. He wrote and/or directed most of my favorite 80s films - Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty In Pink, The Breakfast Club, etc. These films really and truly defined our generation.

What girl didn't identify with Samantha Baker? Sure, our parents probably never forgot our birthday. But we can all identify with being in love with or having a crush on that one person who doesn't know we exist. It's painful and hopeful and we have all been there. I usually hate Hollywood happy endings. But in the case of Sixteen Candles, the ending is perfect. It's what we all wish would have happened to us had the one boy or girl given us the time of day.

My favorite John Hughes film is Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I saw it twice in one day when it first came out. It's one of the funniest movies ever. I think I can recite almost the entire film, much to the annoyance of anyone who happens to be around when it's on. As improbable as that movie is, it's just funny. It's got the best collection of classic lines.

-I asked for a car and got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign.

-As John Lennon said, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." He was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.

-Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

-Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

-You really shouldn't throw anyone with your bad knee, Ed.

Classic. John Hughes became somewhat of a recluse in recent years and hadn't directed a film in quite a while. But that doesn't matter. He was a genius. He managed to speak for teenagers of all shapes and sizes with perfection. He will be missed. But the beauty of film is that he will live on through his work.

Sharing Attention

My boyfriend has children. He's the first guy I've dated who has kids. His kids are older. They came over on Friday night and met Patrick. I had already met them. They are really nice kids. I like them a lot. No attitude at all. Patrick seemed to have a good time with them on Friday. Saturday when I got done training, we took the kids to the park.

Patrick wanted to play baseball but didn't bring enough stuff to play a game - one glove, 4 balls and no bat. And he wanted to play with me and not with the kids. We ended up playing basketball and had a good time. But when we got home, he told me that he was upset I was paying more attention to my boyfriend's kids than to Patrick. Patrick is used to being an only child. He's not used to having to share attention. (Somewhat like I'm not used to owning cats.)

I was talking to my boyfriend about it this morning and found out that he was somewhat upset about how things happened. I told him that Patrick is going to need time to adjust to having other kids around. He will. But he's been used to being the only child and the only attention-getter. I am going to force him to adjust, however. Because I intend for my boyfriend to be part of my life for a long time. And Patrick need to learn that it's not always about him. I know that sounds  harsh. And it is a bit harsh. But it's something that needs to happen. It will be good for him.

He knows I love him. But he also has to learn that it's possible to love more than one person. I'm sure he'll hate me for it at first, but I'm sure he'll appreciate having other kids to play with and talk to at some point. Until then, we'll work through it. It's all part of growing up.