Under the Table and Dreaming

Weighing In

I'm not rich. I'm not famous. No one really cares too much about what I think about anything. For some reason, our culture values what celebrities have to say about a lot of things that do not deal with their area of expertise. Sometimes I agree with what they say. Most of the time, however, I couldn't give a crap what Rob Reiner or Susan Sarandon thinks about anything. But I figure since they use their celebrity to weigh in on all sorts of issues, I would use my blog with its three loyal readers, to weigh in on a subject they have no trouble talking about.

Roman Polanski.

He was arrested in Switzerland this week. On a very old warrant. You see, in 1977, Roman Polanski raped and sodomized a 13 year old girl at Jack Nicholson's house. There is a piece in today's LA Times that talks about the Grand Jury testimony the victim gave at the time. She has since said that she forgives him and wants it all to be over as it feels like they both got a life sentence. Originally, Polanski accepted a plea that would have put him in Chico State Prison for 90 days for a mental health evaluation. He had already served 42 days in jail. There were indications from the judge that he was not going to honor the sentencing request in the plea agreement and was going to sentence Polanski to substantially more time in prison. So Polanski fled the U.S., never to return. He has trapsed all over the world since then, made movies and even won an Oscar.

The LA District Attorney's office kind of, half-heatedly tried to have him arrested through the years. But it wasn't until this week that he was finally caught. He is fighting extradition. And many, many celebrities have come out with pleas for the government to let him go. Harvey Weinstein had the nerve to say that Polanski committed a "so-called" crime. (More on that in a minute.) Debra Winger, Whoopi Goldberg and others have asked for him to be realeased and the charges dropped. It offends and shocks me that they would act like this.

Polanski's "so-called" crime was to ply a 13 year old GIRL with alcohol and drugs. He then had oral sex with her. Then he proceeded to sodomize her because he was worried about her getting pregnant. She said, in her Grand Jury testimony, that she didn't put up much of a fight because she was afraid of him. To me, it doesn't really matter why she didn't fight. She was 13. She was a CHILD. In no way, shape or form was that legally or morally right. There is no way to justify this kind of behavior, despite Polanski's interview in 1979 in which he said that everyone "thinks about fucking little girls." Uh, not so much.

I offer to Debra Winger, Harvery Feinstein and Whoopi Goldberg that if he were Roman Polanski the roofer, they wouldn't give a shit that he was a child rapist, caught 30 years after he fled. I submit to them that if it was their 13 year old daughter he raped and sodomized they wouldn't be so cavalier about asking for his release.

They say he did his time. Uh no. 42 days for rape? I don't think so. Even 90 days wouldn't have been enough. I know he's a holocaust survivor and his wife was brutally murdered by Charles Manson's gang when she was 8 months pregnant. And maybe those are mitigating factors. But not so much to me. I don't care how many Oscars he wins or how many people think he's a genius. He's a child rapist. He should serve time for what he did. End of story.

Banned Book Week

This week is one of my favorite weeks of the year. No, it's not because it's finally fall. It's not because the weather is finally cooling down. It's Banned Book Week. The American Library Association puts on the event every year to celebrate our freedom to read and to make people aware that even in a nation that Constitutionally guarantees ones right to free speech, there are people who seek to ban creative works. Personally, I am one of those people who, if told a book is banned, I want to read it even more. Every year the ALA publishes a list of the books that are most challenged. This year, they published a list of banned and/or challenged books from the Radcliffe Publishing list of the 100 Top Novels of the 20th Century. Here are the books on that list that have been challenged and/or banned.

• The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
• The Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
• The Grapes Of Wrath - John Steinbeck
• To Kill A Mockingbird - Harper Lee
• The Color Purple - Alice Walker
• Ulysses - James Joyce
• Beloved - Toni Morrison
• The Lord Of The Flies - William Golding
• 1984 - George Orwell
• Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
• Of Mice And Men - John Steinbeck
• Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
• Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
• The Sun Also Rises - Ernest Hemingway
• As I Lay Dying -William Faulkner
• A Farewell To Arms - Ernest Hemingway
• Heart Of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
• Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston
• Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
• Song Of Solomon - Toni Morrison
• Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
• Native Son - Richard Wright
• One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
• Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut
• For Whom The Bell Tolls - Ernest Hemingway
• The Call Of The Wild - Jack London
• Go Tell It On The Mountain - James Baldwin
• All The King's Men - Robert Penn Warren
• The Lord Of The Rings - JRR Tolkien
• The Jungle - Upton Sinclair
• Lady Chatterly's Lover - DH Lawrence
• A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
• In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
• Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie
• Sons And Lovers - DH Lawrence
• Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut
• A Separate Peace - John Knowles
• Naked Lunch - William Burroughs
• Women In Love - DH Lawrence
• The Naked And The Dead - Norman Mailer
• Tropic Of Cancer - Henry Miller
• An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser
• Rabbit, Run - John Updike

Books are banned and challenged all the time. Books are even burned, which I think is heresy. But the best way to combat those narrow-minded people who, instead of just not reading the books they don't like or not allowing their children to and want to regulate what we all do, is to read the books that they object to.

I have read Lolita. I did not like it and thought it was a justification for child molestation. I thought Slaughterhouse Five was nothing more than an acid trip. I thought Lord Of The Flies was stupid. But it really doesn't matter what I think about any of these books. The only thing that matters is that I live in a country where the authors are free to write them, I am free to read them, and free to express my opinion. I have no problem with people who do not want their children reading To Kill A Mockingbird because it contains the "N" word. But for them to turn around and tell me that I can't read it, well, that's an entirely different ballgame.

So, my challenge to you, my three loyal readers, is to pick up a banned and/or challenged book and read it. Make a statement. Exercise your freedom to read whatever you want to read.

Time Oh Give Me Time

I wanted to write a long post about banned book week (probably tomorrow) or about MIchael (probably never as I can't get it to come out without sounding corny) but I'm getting ready to teach my last class before the final and won't have time to write. I promise a better effort tomorrow.

Kathleen

This is my fourth year of book club. Originally, there were five of us: Kathleen, Becky, Diana, Maggie and me. We started it as an offshoot of another book club we'd been asked to join but didn't like. Our first book was The Great Gatsby - one of my all-time favorites. Members have come and gone, but Becky, Kathleen, Diana and I have been in book club since the beginning. My mom is now a member and I enjoy it very much. It has given me an opportunity to read book I otherwise wouldn't have read.

Kathleen was responsible for a large number of picks that I probably would never have read. Some of time I liked and some I hated. But even if I hated the book, I would always leave book club with an appreciation of the book. We have read very few books that we all thought were bad.

I've known Kathleen a little longer than book club. I met her through Becky when they worked at the Fresno Art Museum together. Kathleen passed away today. She was 49. It was a sudden, unexpected death. Kathleen had frail health and many health problems, but we all expected her to be at book club today to discuss her book. She had an abscess in her brain that she had surgery on. She was unable to handle it. Her kidneys failed and she passed away.

When I got the text message from Becky this morning, my first thought was about her birthday party. She was going to turn 50 this year and she had a huge party planned. I was looking forward to going. Kathleen was a great person. One of the most genuinely nice, caring people I've ever known. She was a gentle soul and so kind. Every time she went some where, she brought something back for Patrick and Dylan. She made them cookies at Christmas. She genuinely cared about people and about us.

I had noticed over the last couple of months that she seemed more frail and in worse health than usual. Last month at book club, it seemed as though she was struggling to breathe a bit. She and my mom had discussed my fathers' pace maker and his heart problems. Kathleen's were similar.

This has not been a great year for me in this respect. I've now lost six people I knew. Some better than others. Kathleen's death in particular is hard. It was hard to sit at book club today and talk about her book. She will be missed for as long as we do book club.

It's hard to lose people. It's hard to say goodbye. But I know that Kathleen would have wanted us to go on with book club today. She loved book club. It was our time to talk literature and movies and life. I know that she was looking down on us and smiling.

Back Of The Bus

I'm officially back on the iTunes DJ for my play lists. I just ran out of steam and I'm not that creative. So here's your iTunes DJ.

1. Back of the Bus - G Love
2. Joy Ride - Dave Matthews Band
3. 24 - Jem
4. Beautiful Calm Driving - Sia
5. Lightening Crashes - Live
6. When You're Smiling - Dean Martin
7. Love In The Lies - Amos Lee
8. Witness - Sarah McLachlan
9. Leave That Junk Alone - Johnny Cash
10. Dance Hall - Modest Mouse

There's your DJ. I may be back to post more later. Or not. Still working on re-arranging my house, which is some small way feels like re-arranging my life. Massive change in a small amount of time. But that change is all good and all for the best. It's just a matter of finding room and room can always be found. Is that cryptic enough for you? Ha. I'll b back later. Be good, kids.

Migraines Suck

Since I was about 19 or so, I have suffered from migraines. It has taken me 18 years to figure out what my triggers are. Migraines are not like normal headaches. Things trigger them. For some people it's food. For some people it's allergies. For me, it's one of two things - either stress or extreme fluctuations in weather. I know the second one sounds weird. But when it goes from cold to hot or hot to cold (10 degrees or more in one day), I get a migraine. I figured out the weather thing because I got a migraine when I was happy and not stressed and couldn't figure out what the trigger was. I'm very fortunate in that chocolate and wine and food in general are not triggers for me. But I got on Webmd because I was curious as to why I got one. That's how I found out about the weather. And yes, I'm fairly sure you couldn't care less that weather triggers migraines or that it's one of my triggers, but I'm suffering, so everyone else should too.

I got a migraine last night, about half way through class. It is definitely triggered by stress. I took over-the-counter meds when I got home, but it's my experience that if I don't take over-the-counter meds when I first think  I might have a migraine, they don't work. I thought, when I went to bed last night, I would sleep it off and be fine this morning. Not so much.

I left work early to sleep it off. Still not so much. I was okay until I finished dinner. I got nauseous and every little noise sounded like I was at Green Day with no ear plugs. I know that I'm at my wits' end with this headache because I blew a gasket at the kids for no real good reason except the harmonica and whining in combination with each other made me really believe that my head was going to explode. I threatened to "throw the fucking Wii away if someone didn't start listening". No, it wasn't Patrick. And believe it or not, I try not to swear like that in front of the kids. But I just couldn't take it any more. I'm not in my bedroom, the television on 4 and sounds like it's blaring at me. The computer is the only other light in the room.

Come to think of it, I had a migraine Labor Day weekend. That's not the usual pattern. The usual pattern is at least three months between. But I had the stress of the triathlon. And I have some other stress in my life right now that I am not going into her. Suffice it to say, a couple of things have caused me to have some significant stress. I'm just going to have to start training more so I can deal better with the stress. I've done nothing since last Saturday, mostly because I jacked up my hip and have been hoping it gets better with rest. I don't want to have to see a doctor.

Anyway, I know I promised some posts about some other topics. And I do want to write about them. But I don't think I can do it tonight. I've babbled enough about a topic only I care about. I'll be back with a play list tomorrow, though I may go back to the DJ as I think I've run out of steam.

I'm Back!

My laptop is back. Thank God. I can finally do my lecture notes for the two classes that are left on the computer. I can finish some forms I need to finish for some friends, and I can enjoy blogging and Facebook from home. I realized in the time my laptop was down, that I'm entirely too attached to my electronic devices. I feel somewhat better about this addiction in that I have managed to read more books this year than last year. I still make time to read and do other things. I just love me my technology.

I had a post all figured out last night. I didn't get to it as time slipped away with Patrick's football game, dinner, three kids to bathe and get homework done. So I started this post and never got back to it. I shouldn't be writing right now. I should be preparing tonight's assignment for my students, but I have faith that I'll get it done. 

I had an idea for a post but now, can't remember what it is. I have a bunch of topics swirling in my brain, but they are half-thoughts and less than half sentences. I want to talk about Obama's speech to the UN - long over due, the very disturbing plan for Afghanistan advanced by Joe Biden, the fact that I'm a de facto mom to three kids (mine included) and how I feel about that, the re-arrangement in my home and I how I feel about that, and the fact that I'm tired of listening to pundits and television and radio hosts monger hate and feed on irrational and untrue fears. But since my blog only has three readers who mostly agree with me, I'm sensing the last one is mostly useless.

Just know that I have things in the works and I promise to be more prolific now that my laptop is back and working. I'm not intentionally neglecting you, please know that. I'm just busy and trying to figure out a schedule that allows for everything I want to do.

Ruling The Roost

Not having a computer at home sucks - ass. Supposedly, UPS is delivering my adapter tomorrow morning. I cannot wait. Not just because I can blog again from home. But because I don't have to do my lecture notes for class by hand. While I don't spend nearly as much time on my computer at home as I did before I started dating, I still miss it. Something as simple as looking up information on Google. I can do it from my Blackberry, which I love. But even my Blackberry has limitations. Typing on that little keyboard gets tedious. Hence, Becky's birthday post being so short. So, by tomorrow things should be back to normal....or as normal as anything gets in my life.

I said I was going to blog about something big last week and then never got around to doing it. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about it, I just got busy at work and not having a computer at home hampers my ability to blog. So today's the day.

Patrick has been telling everyone he knows that he's unhappy with me. He is feeling like he's not getting enough attention from me because Michael and his daughter are around so much. First, I have had...I don't know, six conversations with him about how he is the most important thing in my life and that if he didn't like Michael, I wouldn't be dating him. I have repeatedly told him that my busy schedule doesn't have that much to do with Michael. I had two jobs and trained for triathlons before I started dating him. It's just that I have less free time where it's just me and Patrick. I have told him that I will always love him but that my heart has room to love more than one person.

He tells me everything is fine. But. He's complained to my parents and to his father about it. Frankly, that pisses me off. I'm not going to tell Patrick that I'm pissed because he'll just cry over it. But it does make me mad. I know he's only 8. I know that this is the first time in his life he's had to share me with someone else. I know that it's hard for him to not be the complete center of attention any more. But I think that is also good for him. He's learning how to deal with others and how to compromise. I'm not unsympathetic to his feelings. Thought, not having been an only child, I can't empathize with him. But, I'm not giving up this relationship because he's upset that he has to share me.

I'm learning, through this relationship, that it's a balancing act. I understand where Patrick is coming from and am trying very hard to make sure that he gets the attention he needs and deserves. But he's 8. He does not rule the roost. I'm not going to let him dictate my happiness. If he did not like Michael or if Michael was mean to Patrick, that would be an entirely different story. In fact, Michael and I were talking about how important it is for your kids to like the person you date. We have both said that we would not continue in a relationship where our kids did not like our significant others. We're both lucky in that his kids like me and Patrick likes him. Since that is not the case, I'm going to stick it out with Michael. And Patrick is going to have to adjust to sharing me.

Sometimes, I feel like a very selfish person for wanting to be happy. For wanting to be in love. I feel like I'm compromising raising Patrick for it. Realistically, I know I'm not. I've been responsible about this. I have tried to balance everyone's wants and needs. Yes, sometimes Patrick will lose out on time with me. But sometimes, he chooses not to spend time with me and I'm making him accountable for that. I know that I will be a better parent to Patrick if I'm happy and balanced. I know that this relationship will set a good example for him. Michael and I rarely argue and we get along really well. We're appropriately affectionate with each other around the kids and I hope we are setting a good example of how a relationship works and how you should treat your significant other.

I know that a period of adjustment is inevitable. I know there will be some acting out. I know that Patrick's patience have been and will continue to be tested. But I think even he will come to realize that, in the end, that he will have brothers and sisters to play with and grow up with. And hopefully, when he's old enough, he'll treat his girlfriend the way Michael treats me and that his girlfriend will treat him the way I treat Michael. Until then, I will have to tolerate the adjustment period.

Becky's Birthday

Today is Becky's birthday. I blog about my friends on their birthday. And I have to admit that as this blog ages, I sometimes struggle with the birthday blogs because I don't want to feel like I'm repeating myself.

The biggest difference between this year and last is that I have trained for and completed three triathlons. I have an entirely new understanding of what it means that a year ago in June, Becky completed an Ironman. It's an amazing feat that speaks to her dedication. I now understand what it takes to do an Ironman.

I admire her dedication to her job as well. She has a hard job and sometimes it's hard emotionally. But Becky is committed to working to help others. I admire her for passing up a lucrative career in design to work for the betterment of society.

Becky is a good person and a good friend. I hope she has a fantastic birthday and a wonderful year to come.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Stuck In My Head

Today's playlist is songs that are stuck in my head. You know - those songs that you have to listen to until they make you kind of nauseous to get them out of your head. At any given time, I usually have three or four in my head. Some are there long-term, some are there for a short time. But they are all stuck there, playing in a continuous rotation in my head. Sometimes, it's annoying. Sometimes, like when I'm training, it's helpful. "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind got me through a couple of nasty bike rides. Whatever the case may be, here are some songs that are stuck in my head.

1. No Rest For The Wicked - Cage The Elephant
2. Sexyback - Justin Timberlake
3. Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
4. Fake It - Seether
5. Back In Black - AC/DC
6. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
7. Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine

Not a long list, but those are the ones in my head right now. I will probably be back later today with another post. I have some stuff on my mind. I just have to decide what I want to write about. In the mean time, I hope I haven't gotten any of these songs stuck in your head. Have a good one.