Under the Table and Dreaming

What Is Me, Alex?

The Jeopardy answer would be "This person is a complete freak magnet". I got an instant message from some guy from Yahoo! Personals who said he was British, but said he lived in Sacramento. And then said he was a contractor who was currently in Western Africa building an orphanage. Before you start thinking, "Wow, he sounds too good to be true", he was. I got out of him that he was in Nigeria (already had experience there). He also didn't talk like a Brit or an American. He wrote in phrases that distinctly belong to people whose first language is not English. Like "I have black hairs." I cut the conversation very short.

Low and behold when I tried to get on my computer tonight, my user profile had been corrupted. $139 later, I'm back. I had to call Dell and wouldn't you know it my warranty expired two months ago, and have them help me fix it. The "outsourced" person in India who helped me kindly suggested that it could have been a bad update. Which could be because I have Vista and we all know what I think of Vista. But I'm convinced that it is no coincidence that this weirdo im'ed me and then my computer was corrupted. It's fixed now. That'll learn me to im with people I don't know. No more internet dating. I'm a freak magnet. I'm almost fully convinced that there is something really wrong with me. But that's a topic for another day.

I'm watching "I Survived A Japanese Game Show". It's the show my best-o friend, Andrew works on. It's actually pretty amusing. But I like to laugh at people. These games are nuts. They make people do crazy stuff. One game had the contestants in giant suits with velcro, They were the bugs and they had to jump and stick to the windshield - a big padded wall. Whoever got higher won. It was The best part of the show is at the very end when I get to see Andrew's name in the credits. That is the coolest thing ever. Knowing someone who works in television has given me a new appreciation for the credits and the people who work so hard behind the scenes to put a show on the air. I know in Andrew's case, he works like a dog. So it's cool to see his name on tv.

Ode To The Love Of Top Chef

I love to cook, and if you have read this blog for anything length of time or know me, you know that I'm a late player to the game. I didn't ever used to cook. And in the grand tradition of a true intellectual, before I cooked a thing, I bought cookbooks. And I watched cooking shows. I will not cook without a recipe. It's just the way I am. I'm more of a baker at heart so I need a set of instructions to follow. Anyway, last season I discovered the bliss that is Top Chef.

I'm a terribly competitive person. I always have been. So I love shows that deal with subjects I like - competition and cooking. Top Chef embodies that. I like Top Chef more than Hell's Kitchen and Next Food Network Star. Top Chef is just better.

For the uninitiated, Top Chef takes 16 Cheftestants (I loathe that "word") and puts them through quickfire challenges and elimination challenges. In the quickfire challenge, the chefs are given a limited amount of time (like 20ish minutes) to prepare a dish under a specific set of guidelines. One quickfire was to make a dish that paired with a beer the chef chose. In the early rounds, the winner of the quickfire had immunity and could not be eliminated. Then there is the elimination challenge. The chefs are forced to work in teams for a lot of the elimination challenges. The personal dynamics always amuse me. Like personalities seem to gravitate to one another, for better or worse.

Because my son and I are both hypercompetitive we turn watching Top Chef into a competition. We each pick our "horse" and run with it. Patrick's horse, Spike, got eliminated last week. He took it like a man. My horse, Stephanie, is still in it. We'll see what happens.

I love watching this show because the chefs' skills and knowledge are incredible and I like to learn. Deep down, I'm an intellectual at heart and this show is the best for that. Additionally, the hosts are Padma Lakshi and Tom Collichio. And my most favorite snarky person ever, Anthony Bourdain, judges occasionally. Anyway, if you don't watch it, check it out. It's a pretty cool show.

Shuffle Day (As If You Need More Music)

Shuffle day again. So, here is your shuffle for today:

1. Connected - Stereo MC's
2. Heart Of Soul - The Cult
3. Wild Life - INXS
4. Sick Fish - Let's Go Bowling
5. Dreams - Van Halen
6. One Step Closer - Linkin Park
7. I Don't Ever Want To Change - The Drones
8. Two Step - Dave Matthews Band
9. What Would You Say - Dave Matthews Band
10. Nobody But Me - Save Ferris

I have to say that the three people on Jeopardy (I'm writing this on Thursday) are stupid. They all got what I thought was an easy final Jeopardy wrong. The question had to do with....I don't know. But it showed part of Hawaii and said something about crops. It was obviously coffee. They all guessed pineapple. Duh. And yet, I can't pass the freaking test. One of life's ironies, I suppose.

In this month of music, I forgot to mention that the Second Season is upon us. That's right - it's NHL playoff time. Detroit is playing Nashville, who after tonight, still have yet to win a playoff game on the road. This will/might be the only easy round of the playoffs for the Wings. But man, they played well tonight. And after a four year or so absence, Darren McCarty is back and wearing number 25. It was good to see the Grind Line back together. For the uninitiated, the Grind Line is the line that does the work. The hitting and the digging the puck out in the corner. Anyway, they are the unsung heroes. And with McCarty back, things are as they are supposed to be.  I'm excited. Detroit could do well this year. Of course, anything short of an 11th Stanley Cup would be a disappointment.

Two For Tuesday

One of the radio stations here used to do Two for Tuesday where you'd get two songs in a row by the same artist. Which is neither here nor there. But I couldn't think of a decent title for this post and I thought of that.

I will say that I'm sick of American Idol. My opinion and the judges opinions are almost never the same. And some of the song choices are just freaking stupid. A lot of good songs came out in 1984 and this girl picked "I'm Proud To Be An American". The judges loved it. I thought it sucked. I suppose this is why I'm not an Idol judge. I'm going to have stop watching. Oh, and the next singer was a butt-ugly baby. Goodness.

My dad is dropping off Patrick's little league sign up form tomorrow. We're going to hopefully convince them to put him in little league even though they're not technically supposed to start that until they're 8. His skill level is advanced. He won't be happy being in the same division he was in last year. I love watching his baseball games. Though I have to say basketball was way more fun that I thought it would be.

Ohhhh, all new episodes of My Boys are coming in June. Color me happy. Maybe it'll start the week of my birthday. What a great present for me. An iPod would be better, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. At this point I would settle for being left alone.

I really can't think of anything else I want to talk about today. Again, I apologize for not having anything good to say.

Merrie Melodies

Since I'm home from the symphony and thinking about how wonderful it was to have live music with the Looney Tunes, I figured I would write my ode to that "wascally wabbit". So here goes...

When I was a child, I would actually want to get up early on Saturday morning. For what seemed like the entire morning until noon (I actually have no idea how long the cartoons were on), I would watch Bugs Bunny and his mates. From the first cartoon I saw, I was hooked. I still think those cartoons are the best ever made (no offense to Mickey Mouse and the evil empire known as Disney). I never quit watching the Looney Tunes. When Cartoon Network first came on the scene, they showed a ton of Looney Tunes and every June, they would have the June Bugs Marathon. 48 hours of continuous Bugs Bunny Cartoons. There were a couple of years I watched at least 36 hours of it. Some characters only appeared in one cartoon like the Gophy Gophers or Michigan J. Frog. Some characters are iconic like Marvin the Martian. While I like almost all of the Looney Tunes, I would most like to think that I resemble Bugs the most.

He's smart. He's resourceful. He's a fighter. He's sarcastic. He's witty. And because my brain works in very strange ways, I know cartoon titles and most of the years they were produced. The height of the Looney Tunes era at Warner Brothers was from 1940 to 1964. That's when the most iconic cartoons were made. My all-time single favorite cartoon is "Bully For Bugs". This is the one in which we find our hero lost, trying to get to Coachella and the great carrot festival, therein. He ends up in the middle of a bull fight, the matador running for his life and Bugs, when attempting to ask directions and having the bull breathing on his tail, says, "Stop steaming my tail!". To wit, the bull rams Bugs out of the stadium. With Bugs flying through the air, he utters the infamous, "Of course you realize this means war." Chaos ensues. It is the funniest 7 minutes ever committed to film if you ask me. Or if you ask anyone who's ever watched it with me. And the entire reason this cartoon got made? Jack L. Warner, head of Warner Bros. told the master, Chuck Jones (creator of Marvin the Martian, Wile E. Coyote, etc) that bullfighting was not funny. Chuck set out to prove him wrong and boy did he.

Patrick has (genetically or forcefully, take your pick) inherited my love of the toons. When I was sick a couple of weeks ago, he was in the living room, watching The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie and laughing like a loon. His favorite is "Rabbit Seasoning" with Bugs and Daffy engaged in the greatest battle of the grammar wits ever. Good choice.

On days when I just don't think I can take it any more, I watch Looney Tunes. Laughter can be the best medicine. And the Looney Tunes still make me laugh because the writers were genius. They wrote the cartoons so that children would get the obvious humor but there was double entendres and adult humor. Ever watch "Knighty Knight Bugs"? The names of the Knights of the Roundtable - Sir Loin of Beef. Sir Ossis of Liver - adult humor. This is the cartoon where Bugs is the court jester and gets sent to get the singing sword back from Yosemite Sam. Classic.

Sometimes the cartoons were violent, especially the ones with Elmer hunting and the Roadrunner/Coyote ones. But there were rules to the violence. Chuck Jones wrote an autobiography, "Chuck Amok" in which he describes the rules he and the writers used when making the Roadrunner cartoons. There are 9 of them. Among them, the Roadrunner can never harm Wile except by saying "Beep Beep" and Wile's nemesis will be gravity whenever possible. And compared to some of the cartoons on tv today, the violence is tame. I don't think they warped me in a bad way.

To this day, I will watch anytime Bugs or his friends are on tv. I am a kid at heart. I'm just really happy that my son can share it with me.

Pivot's Questionnaire

Any of you who have watched Inside the Actor's Studio, you know that James Lipton asks ten questions at the end of the interview. I was thinking about that the other day and was actually thinking about doing it when my blog buddy, Tim, did it first. So I'm stealing from him. He can be found at www.captainblogger.wordpress.com. I highly recommend his blog. He's witty and fun. Anyway, here go my answers to Mr. Pivot's questionnaire:

1. What is your favorite word?
   Huh. This is a harder question than it seems. There are a plethora to choose from. Right now, it's probably lovely.
2. What is your least favorite word?
   I'm going to have to say the "C" word. You all know what it is and I'm not saying it.
3. What turns you on, inspires you?
   Intelligent talk about anything.
4. What turns you off?
   Ignorance/stupidity. I hate stupid people. I hate people who speak from a position of not knowing what they are talking about. If you now nothing about a topic, don't say anything.
5. What sound or noise do you love? 
   The sound of Patrick laughing at anything and the sound of a deep male voice.
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
   Screeching brakes on a garbage truck and leaf blowers. If I hear them, I cringe.
7. What's your favorite curse word? 
   Just one? Really? I'm going to have to go with Jackass. It's a good all purpose cuss word that can apply to anyone. Fuckhead is a close second.
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
   Writer. No-brainer.
9. What would you not like to participate in?
   Anything involving math.
10. If heaven exists what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
    "All your friends are at the booth in the back. Party like a rock star." Ha.

You are looking at my brand spanking new Pyrex Yellow #404. It arrived via UPS today. I'm pleased as punch. I'm celebrating by making pizza dough on Friday and bread this weekend. I'm so excited. It's as though I didn't break Grandma's bowl into a hundred pieces. I'm certainly not going to break this one. Thank you, eBay.

My neighbors across the street have decided to play their Tejano music a little loud. The thumping bass to that rhythm is driving me loco in the cabeasa. They are the neighbors who do home improvement projects at odd hours. Like they wait until 7:30 Sunday night to start using their table saw. At least I don't live in an apartment. Positive world view, you know.

I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was busy. And odd. And confusing. I'm trying to work through something, but I don't want to talk about it here. Depending on what happens, I may or may not be talking about in the future.

Going Retro

Today's video choice is from my youth. Curiosity Killed the Cat was a one hit wonder over here. This song, "Misfit", was their one hit. I love this song. And I had a huge crush on Ben, the lead singer. Hey, I was....15, I think. And it was the mid-80s, so all of you not old enough to remember, everyone dressed like that.

I did not watch the debate last night, but I figure when Hillary Clinton starts referencing SNL for material, she's reaching. "Consider the source" is especially important when debating policy. I remember in high school the Lincoln Douglas debate topic one semester had to do with AIDS. This was back when AIDS was new and everyone was scared of it. Anyway, there was little information about it. There was an article in People magazine (back then - in the mid-80s - it wasn't quite as bad as it is now). There was a rip-roaring debate amongst our team and coach about using People as a source. The debater, I think it was Katrina, used it. And if memory serves, which we all know is sketchy, and she'll correct me if I'm wrong, she lost. I have a hard time taking Hillary Clinton seriously when she's whining about getting the first question. Seriously, she's pissing me off. If she wins, she's going to spoil any future female's chance of winning.

Oh and while I'm on politics, John McCain thought it was a good idea to attack Obama about Al-Queda in Iraq because Obama said we should only go back if Al-Queda shows up. So John McCain said something along the lines of "Al-Queda's in Iraq. It's called Al-Queda in Iraq." Obama came back with "Al-Queda in Iraq did not exist until George W. Bush invaded Iraq". That might not be verbatim, but you get the drift. Go Obama. Finally, someone who makes sense. And is it just me or is McCain looking more like a troll every day? Just sayin'.

Man, the three contestants on Jeopardy suck ass today. They all got the final Jeopardy question wrong. No one deserved to win. They're all stupid. And they passed the test. I swear, when I die, I want my epitaph to read "And they passed the test." Bar exam, Jeopardy test, whatever. I'm smarter than most of the jackasses that pass both tests.

Back In The Saddle

First day of new employment is in the books. As much as I was prepared to not like it, I liked it. I'm not usually a corporate person and the law firm I'm working at is large. But the people were so incredibly nice (including my office mate). I share an office. And there's no music...NO MUSIC. It's VERY quiet and I have no window. But I have a JOB. A job I think I'm really going to like. Even though I spent half the day reviewing medical records, something I don't particularly like and have not done in three years. But I will learn the lingo again. And I will write a rocking summary of the 2,000 pages of med records I have to look at.

Here's my bitch for the day (because you know I have at least one): Freaking greedy television conglomerates. Really. How much money does the Evil Empire (aka Disney) need? Really? You can't pay the writers $.04 per dvd and internet stream? Really? You poor, sad, multinational billionaire corporation. They're fucking up my television season. I don't want to watch American Gladiators. I don't want to watch Celebrity Apprentice (Aside: my aversion to the Donald's vehicle may have more to do with his behavior during the Running Horse debacle than anything else, but I still don't want to watch it.) You get my point. I want October Road, Friday Night Lights, Numbers, Women's Murder Club, Without A Trace, Grey's Anatomy, and Private Practice. I want my seven shows back. I don't care about anything else on tv. Just those seven. I want them back. And the writer's are NOT wrong. They are right. We have to boycott watching network television so they will be forced back to the bargaining table to make decent offers to settle this. It's all corporate greed, my friends. (Aide, again: I am starting to think that there might be some truth to the rumor that I'm a pinko). Send emails to the CEO of the networks. Stop watching network television. Hit them where it hurts.

That's about all I have for now. I just made Patrick mad because I said he ate "crap" yesterday. He did, but I can't tell him that. He has now grabbed "Blue", stomped down the hall, and closed his door. This is the true joys of parenthood.

[Edited to add: I just read the blog www.whywewriteseries.com and today's entry was from Hart Hanson, who is the Showrunner for Bones. He used a phrase I'm officially adopting - celebutards (referring to y'all-know-whos). So stealing this word. Love it.]

Asshat...See Carson Daly

I just wanted to take a second to post this b/c I'm at work and I should, in theory, be working. I just read that Carson Daly was asking strangers to send him jokes because he's going back to work. I posted a while ago about the writer's strike. I am fully behind the writers. The amount of money they're asking for per DVD and for new media is tiny - $.04 per. The money the networks, and their leaders make, is obscene. Most of the CEOs of the networks make somewhere in the $50 MILLION per year range. Like I said, obscene. Most writers, with notable exceptions (Joss Whedon, Shonda Rimes, and Aaron Sorkin) make just a little bit more than I do. Half the writers who are members of the Writer's Guild of America did not make enough money last year writing to have the WGA health insurance. This is not Brad Pitt and George Clooney we're talking about. However, I would argue that the writers are more important than the actors that say the lines. I think the network's stand of giving nothing is asinine. Truly.

I read this morning, as I have been following the strike on the internet, which is becoming a bigger source of news that the 20 second sound bites that masquerade as news on television, that Carson Daly was crossing the picket lines and going back to work. It would be truly poetic justice if the show tanked so bad without his writers that it got canceled. I know it would put a lot of good people out of work. But I have always thought, since his debut on MTV, that he was an asshat. And it would totally fit what little I know about him that he would cross the picket lines.

As I have said before, I didn't used to be pro-union. But as corporations get bigger and bigger and gouge us for more and more money in the name of increasing profits, I see unions as an equalizer. They are one of the last bastions of keeping the "middle class" and "blue collar" workers from living in utter poverty as we face an aging society and astronomical increases in the costs of oil, food, gas, and health care. No, the train hasn't derailed, I have a point that will come full circle.

While the writers are not Teamsters or the UAW and they are most decidedly not blue collar workers, they represent the very thing we should all be worried about. People whose work product is devalued. People who are lied to about the ability of their huge, corporate boss to pay them what they deserve to be paid. We should all be in the streets with the writers. Does Sumner Redstone need in excess of $50 MILLION a year to do his job? Hell no. Does a writer with a Toyota Camry, mortgage, braces and college for kids to pay for, deserve $.04 a dvd and internet view for his intellectual property that contributed to the networks obscene profits and the CEO's equally obscene salary? Hell yes. The CEO wouldn't be making an obscene wage if the writer hadn't written something that people want to watch and advertisers line up to pay obscene money to have an ad in. It ALL starts with the writers. You don't have hit shows that are poorly written. They may have stupid plots, but they are not poorly written. You can have the greatest actor in the world on a project, but if the writing sucks, it won't matter.

My point here is that writers make the Hollywood world go round, whether anyone else wants to admit that or not. As such, they should be paid like they make the world go round. Give them what's fair and do what's right. It's just too bad that you have to fight billionaires to get them to do right any more. It would be easier if they had the ethics and morals to recognize right without having it chanted to them for three weeks.

Off the soapbox now. I have to get back to work. Carson Daly is an asshat. Have a good one.

[Edited to add: I completely forgot (short term memory of a gnat) that a lot of the showrunners (writers-producers) are going back to work to perform their non-writing functions because the studios sent out nasty legal letters (damn lawyers) saying they were in breach of contract with respect to the non-writing duties they had. While the studios are technically correct, I think it's picking gnat shit out of pepper. Are the showrunners really going to be happy being being at work when they can't write? Another irony in this mess is who owns the writing once it's on paper? The WGA sent letters to the writers telling them they had to submit their current project to the Guild so they can insure work isn't being done. The studios are telling the writers the property belongs to the studios and dissemination to the Guild would breach the writer's contracts with the studios. Why is it every time I think about this, I get a Catch-22 headache? Just wondering.]

Stewie Griffin Is My Hero

In case you missed Family Guy on Sunday, Stewie became President. One of his new laws was this:
"Finally, anyone who uses the terms, irregardless, whole nother, or all of the sudden shall be sentenced to a work camp." If only....I laughed my ass off at that line. You all know what I think about people who use words that aren't. It would have been perfect if he'd added supposably to the list.

One day until bar results. The feeling of needing to puke is pretty much constant and I didn't sleep well last night. The nerves are catching up to me. I ate four pieces of chocolate this morning before 10:30. No, really...I'm fine.

Patrick and my parents and I are traveling to Hanford tonight to see Clint Black. Patrick is over the moon excited about it. I'm not a huge Clint Black fan, but Patrick has been singing his songs pretty much since he could talk. He's been listening to him every night for the last week so he could, "remember the words so I can sing along at the show". I love my kid. We will be in the second row so he'll have an up close and personal view. Spoiled kid. I didn't go to my first concert until Simple Minds in 8th grade. He's seen Harry Connick, Jr., Michael Buble, and Carrie Underwood. I have to try to take him to see Dave next year. Otherwise he may mutiny.

Have a good one. I'll try to post at some point tomorrow. D-Day...oh, I get sick just thinking about it.